HARKONNENDOG

Here piggy piggy

2008-05-31T08:40:00.008-10:00

A young wild sow slept under my parents' house. I came to see. Cute, yeah?

I decided to pet her, but used a newspaper just in case. Good thing. She bit it many times. But after a while she let me stroke her with it, and then she stretched out flat on the grass, rolled over on her stomach, and, holy crap, went to sleep!

Zzzzz.... lol.

Tita,(my dog) wasn't exactly thrilled with all this. She snapped and chased the pig. Then when I scolded her she stopped and tried to be nice and the pig misconstrued that as weakness and chased her.

I came back the following day and took this video. You can hear her snort. She's pretty cute, pretty funny.

64% feminist?

2007-08-08T12:39:00.000-10:00

Dang. Thought I'd be a 100%.

You Are 64% Feminist

You are certainly a feminist - whether you know it or not.
You believe in gender equality, at least most of the time. You also believe there are a few exceptions.

Are You a Feminist?

I object... Here are the reasons I didn't get 100%.
To the question:

Women should be economically and socially independent. They shouldn't rely on men to take care of them.

I disagreed. Why shouldn't a woman choose to be dependent? Grandma dug it. It was a choice she made and she was happy. So why shouldn't any woman or any group of women make that same choice?

To the question:

There is no such thing as a "man's job." It is wrong for men to be given preference for any job position, even if women traditionally aren't in that field.

I wasn't sure. NO such thing? I'm sorry but I don't think women should be walking around mens' locker rooms, nor vice versa, of course. I don't think women are as good at relating to young mens' problems as young men are, and... it is unreasonable to suppose there are no jobs which men are innately better at. Same thing goes for women.

To the question:

Women should take an equal role in dating. Women should ask out people they are interested in and take their turn in paying.

WHY should they, when young men are twice as horny? Makes no sense. Of course if a woman wants to ask a man out, great. But why SHOULD they take an equal role when they need not do so? And who says they don't? Honestly, in a bar or a club, if a woman makes eye contact with a man twice, she is basically asking him to ask her out. So why is it necessary that she ask him out the same way he asks her out?

To the question:

Women should accept their bodies as they are. Women should not have to conform to wacky beauty ideals.

This question sucks. It is two barely related question jammed together. NO, that 500lb woman should NOT accept her body as is. She should lose some weight. On the other hand, YES, women should not have to conform to wacky beauty ideals. Crock of shit, that question.

To the question:

Women should have legal, easy access to all types of birth control - including the morning after pill.

I don't think of the morning after pill as birth control. I think of it as an abortion pill. I still think women should have access to it, but again I don't like the question, so I said I wasn't sure. Er, come to think of it, I was being an asshole when I answered this question.

Les Miserables and Ultra

2007-07-24T11:09:00.000-10:00

Been reading the best novel ever written, Les Miserables, again. Came across this and it reminded me of some people on the net. This is a direct quote.

In short, Mme de T----'s salon was 'ultra'. Since that word no longer has any meaning, although what it represents has perhaps not wholly disappeared, we must explain it.
To be 'ultra' is to go to the extreme. It is to attack the sceptre in the name of the throne and the mitre in the name of the altar; to abuse the cause one supports; to rush one's fences, outdo the executioner in the grilling of heretics, charge the idol with insufficient idolatry, insult by excessive adulation, find the pope insufficiently papist and the king insufficiently royalist. It is to denigrate the whiteness of alabaster or snow or the swan or the lily in the name of flawless whiteness; to be a partisan of causes to the point of becoming their enemy; to be so vehemently for as to be in fact against.

I though that was pretty cool, and apt for the times. Abe Lincoln (I read somewhere) didn't read widely but he read deeply. He read Shakespeare's works and the Bible, studied them. That was my goal but I really got bored of reading Shakespeare over and over and the Bible, well, I've read it cover to cover once and... I think I get it. I mean I believe. I don't want to study it like a literary text.

So anyway I decided to read Les Miserable again and I can't believe how wonderful it is. What an incredible book. You can learn a lot about being a Christian by reading Les Miserables, too... even more about being a good person, and about what a society is and can be and should be and... wow what a great book.

My dog Tita fetches a stick.

2007-07-19T14:52:00.000-10:00

Not real exciting, but why should I be the only one bored on the internet?

Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?

2007-07-17T10:22:00.000-10:00

The blogfather has linked, twice now, to David Freddoso's objections (links below) to this Politico piece.

If Fredoso was confident he would do what Politico has done, simply give the entire text of that part of the interview, and possibly add some context. Instead, David Freddoso offered us his (warped imho) interpretation the first time he criticized Politico, and again in his defense of the first criticism. Freddoso must be worried that people who actually read what was said won't agree with him, or find he objects to a distinction that makes no difference. He should be.

Klein's tangled web.

2007-06-06T16:07:00.000-10:00

The blogfather links to a Times piece by Joe Klein which I find genuinely, not Morissettishly, ironic. The longish excerpt:

A strange thing happened to me the day the House of Representatives voted to pass the Iraq-war-funding bill. Congresswoman Jane Harman of California called as the debate was taking place. "Look, I would love to have cast a vote against Bush on this," she told me. "We need a new strategy, and I hope we can force one in September. But I flew into Baghdad [with 150 young soldiers recently]. To vote against this bill was to vote against giving them the equipment... they need. I couldn't do that." I posted what Harman said on Swampland, the political blog at Time.com, along with my opinion that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had changed their positions and voted against the funding for the worst possible reason: presidential politics.

And then Harman changed her position. After we spoke, she voted against the funding. The next day, I was blasted by a number of left-wing bloggers: Klein screwed up! I had quoted Harman in the past tense—common usage for politicians who know their words will appear after a vote takes place. That was sloppy and... suspicious! Proof that you just can't trust the mainstream media. On Eschaton, a blog that specializes in media bashing, I was given the coveted "Wanker of the Day" award. Eventually, Harman got wind of this and called, unbidden, to apologize for misleading me, saying I had quoted her correctly but she had changed her mind to reflect the sentiments of her constituents. I published her statement and still got hammered by bloggers and Swampland commenters for "stalking" Harman into an apology, for not checking her vote in the Congressional Record, for being a "water boy for the right wing" and many other riffs unfit to print.

Klein says "I had quoted Harman in the past tense—common usage for politicians who know their words will appear after a vote takes place." But he didn't inform his readers of this. Readers rightly believed Harman's quote was taken after she voted. While such lies of convenience may be SOP for MSM reporters, they are still lies. The reader is intentionally deceived. Klein's insouciance makes his article ironic. While trying to explain that he didn't deserve to be condemned as a sloppy, lazy, dishonest writer, he provides an example of sloppy, lazy, dishonest writing, and he doesn't even know it.

Katie Couric did something similar. CBS fired a producer for plagiarizing a post, which stated it was "posted by Katie Couric" that began "Hi everyone, I still remember when I got my first library card." She went on to present a plagiarized version of an essay originally written by Jeffrey Zaslow, that was plagiarized by her soon to be fired producer, as though Couric herself had written it. When the plagiarism was discovered the producer was fired. But I don't recall Couric apologizing for presenting that producer's work as though she had written it herself. Talk about tangled webs.

UPDATE: INSTALANCHED! Welcome Instapundit readers. I don't really blog much nowadays so don't bother bookmarking. You might buy my 2nd novel, CLOWN, though. If you're familiar with Eric over at Classical Values, he read it and said it is HIGHLY recommended. HIGHLY, dammit. So never mind that sumbitch Sam Rhetin, who wouldn't know a good book if I slapped him around with one until his eyes bled.

How to be a racist.

2007-04-12T14:27:00.000-10:00

Inspired by the Duke Lacrosse Team and the Rutgers Basketball team fiascos, I'm trying to figure out the rules. This is what I've got:

Racist talk demeaning whites by anyone = okay.

Racist talk demeaning Jews by non-white and/or white liberal = tolerable, by white non-liberal = atrocity.

Racist talk demeaning blacks by blacks = grammy!, by whites, Jews and Asians = atrocity, by Latinos = borderline(?). Exception: if the black targeted is Republican the target is no longer black. See racist talk about whites above.

Racist talk demeaning Latinos by whites, Jews, Asians = bad, by Latinos = okay, by blacks = tolerable.

Racist talk demeaning Asians by whites = bad, by blacks and Latinos = good, by Jews and Asians = tolerable.

Is that about right? Ahh crap. Are there different rules for gender?

Dean's still shark jumping...

2007-02-28T10:51:00.000-10:00

Dean over at Dean's World has CHOSEN to be irrational regarding Islam. This is both amazing and amusing. He leans libertarian and revels in rebellion and rationality regarding other subjects, but not Islam. There are some consequences to that decision, one of which is he can't handle people disagreeing with him about this subject. So he has to get rid of people who do, which he does here:

I haven't blogged much lately, as I'm trying to finish my third novel JACOB. But I've been commenting on other sites. Below is my comment on the post linked above. I'm putting it here in case he deletes it. It would seem to be out of character for him, but he's all out of character regarding Islam.

"3) Islam as a religion is no more inherently incompatible with modernity, minority rights, women's rights, or democratic pluralism than most religions"

A person who claims Islam IS inherently incompatible with modnernity etc., is an Islamophobe, but it doesn't follow that anyone who doesn't agree with the quote above is an Islamophobe.

Making such a claim requires a person to believe they've enough knowledge about "most religions" (whatever that means) to judge. In fact, give that it is a ridiculously complex subject, expertise in "most religions" would still now (sic- should be not) allow someone to make that kind of pronouncement.

The quote above (its antithesis too, btw) is a statement of faith, not an observable fact. So now, in order to post at Dean's World, a person must claim they believe something irrational... a person must agree to, Dean-like, choose to shut their brain off whenever Islam is the subject.

Another comment to another of his post's on the subject (3/2/07):

Dean,

I've decided that certain attitudes about Islam are hateful, irrational garbage, and will no longer put up with it.

To be fair, you did decide the above, but then you went past that, and decided other things are also off limits.

You've already backtracked from the original #3, and admitted that people who post about Islam here have to work on certain ASSUMPTIONS, regardless of whether they are true or not. I think this is analogous to choosing not to think something. What's so weird about it is you're so against this kind of thinking, or non-thinking, regarding AIDS especially, and many other subjects.

As far as the door goes, I'm not leaving of my own free will. Regarding Islam, my comments will stay within your guidelines just 'cause I mostly agree with you. But I like this site too much not to call shenanigans when you (and by that I mean your online personality) go nutty from cogdis.

And I'm just being Simon Cowell style honest when I tell you you've got a Jekyll and Hyde thing going. You're one guy when you post about most subjects and another (not as bright) guy when you post about Islam. It isn't that I disagree with you about Islam, it's everything- from your style to your retreat into irrationality to your grammar.

Moke and Tita duke it out.

2006-11-14T12:54:00.000-10:00

This is a vid of my dog and cat wrestling, lol

Chapters 4-6

2006-09-21T10:09:00.000-10:00

Chapter 4: Intro to Jake

The music ended. Women shuffled out of the club, and Jenny had to squirm through them to get in the door. She heard snatches of conversation as they passed.

“I need to change my underwear,” one said.

“I need to change my pants,” her friend answered.

“He was better last night.”

A bouncer took Jenny by the elbow, surprising her. “The show’s already over,” he said. Jenny moved her elbow down and parried his wrist away with her forearm. In the same motion she reached into her bag and pulled out her badge. “FBI. I need to see Jacob Mayberry immediately.”

“Is that right, missy?” He had holes where two of his front teeth used to jut out from his lower jaw. There was a space, then a tooth, then a space.

“I need to meet Mr. Mayberry,” she said. She tried not to stare at the gaps.

He grinned. “There are two tables in line before you. Two-drink minimum, twenty a drink.”

“What?”

“You have to buy two drinks, one for him, one for you. Twenty bucks for each drink he drinks. You can buy him more drinks if you want more time with him, but once he’s done drinking, he moves on. You’re third on the list.”

Jenny studied the bouncer. “You go tell him a Special Agent from the FBI needs to talk to him,” she said.

“Lady, we’ve had cops, a federal marshal - we even had a woman from the ATF here. They all paid. You want to talk to him, you give me twenty and I put you on the list.”

“I’m with an antiterrorism task force.”

“That’s a new twist, but it ain’t twenty bones.” He held his hand out.

(Jenny was used to being messed with, even with the badge. She was beautiful and petite, with straight, straw colored hair she wore parted in the middle or tied into a pony tail. She had green eyes and large lashes, and fat lips that were deeply red without lipstick. She never wore makeup but always looked made up, and the overall effect was vulnerability. Most me were drawn to her, and many wanted to help her or protect her, whether she needed it or not. When a decent man saw Jenny Day, something in him yearned to be the helpful older brother, the sagacious mentor, or the knight in shining armor.

But what SAC Denton thought of as the Meg Ryan Effect worked both ways. Bullies like this bouncer thought they could get away with abusing her.)

She reached into her purse and pulled a twenty out of her wallet. He snatched it from her and walked over to the bar. He came back with a plastic disc the size of her hand with a black “3” stenciled upon it.

“Sit at any table around the stage, Super Agent. Leave that number in plain sight and he’ll get to you when he can.”

This was going too far. People respected cops unless they knew cops. They didn’t know cops unless they were cops, or prosecutors, or lawyers- or criminals.

“Got any warrants outstanding?” asked Jenny.

“No.”

“Because if I have to wait twenty minutes to see this guy, I might as well walk to my car, radio in your name, and see if you have any warrants.”

“I don‘t give a shit.”

“I’m FBI. That means any warrants in the United States.”

“Maybe I could ask him to see you first.”

“Why don‘t you do that?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Get my money back, too.”

He nodded and walked over to a table. A shirtless man sat on a stool, drink in hand, talking to three women. Jenny was a gymnast in college, she was used to seeing and being around heavily ripped guys- but there were a couple of guys at every tournament whose bodies seemed designed to make women, to make HER, go nuts. The man at the table was one of them. She had a picture of Jacob Mayberry from his file but the picture had not done him justice.

Her bouncer was talking to him, but Jacob waved him away. The bouncer trotted back.

“He says he’ll be with you as soon as he’s done with this round, ma’am. It’s the best I could do.”

“Thanks,” Jenny said. One of the women took Jacob’s hand and drew something on the back of it with a pen. Jenny stared and was able to see it was a large black heart. Another woman took the hand and licked it, then rubbed the heart out with her thumbs. Jenny realized she was ogling Jake..

She went to the bar for a Diet Sprite. When she turned around Jake was right behind her.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked.

She flushed and looked at the floor, then up at him again. ‘Put your fucking clothes on,’ she thought. He wasn’t naked, he was wearing surfer shorts, but the effect was nakedness. He had the most beautiful skin she’d ever seen. Health, sex, exuded out of him. “Jenny Day,” she said, offering her right hand. “FBI.”

He left the hand there. “What do you want?”

She looked away and back at him again. He had the blackest eyes she’d ever seen. She could not tell the pupil from the iris.

“An hour of your time. It’s important.”

“It is important to you. Money’s important to me, and you’re as good as taking it out of my pocket.” He motioned to the room full of tables with women waiting for him.

Jenny looked at the room for a second but her eyes went back to him on their own. This was ridiculous. She could not keep her eyes off him for more than a few moments, but then she couldn't look at him for more than a few seconds before looking away in shame.

“Look, Mr. May-

“I don’t have any fucking warrants any fucking where. Fuck off.”

“Wait!” Jenny pulled an envelope out of her bag. “These are your parents, Mr. Mayberry. Your biological parents. Don’t you want to know who they are?” She held it out to him and pulled it away when he reached for it. Jacob’s adopted mother, who had raised him since he was an infant, had died less than a year ago. This was her trump card. “Are you going to sit down and talk to me, or what?”

He stared into her eyes more directly than anyone ever had. She looked away and looked back and he was still staring at her the same way. She tried to hold his gaze but there was something dangerous about him. She had crossed a line she didn’t know about. She felt he could attack her right now, and maybe kill her with his bare hands, before anyone could stop him. He wouldn’t care about the consequences. There was no future and no past in the black of those eyes.

“You’ve made a mistake,” he said. She nodded and quickly walked out of the club.

Chapter 5: Kestine Kills Rodney

Ahmad and Omar were students from Saudi Arabia whose visits Professor Kestine had sponsored. She helped get them student visas and they lived in her home, ate her food, and did her bidding, which included being good students at UH. They were not related but looked similar- five-nine, skinny, fair-skinned, and always smiling. They slouched and looked weak, and were, so they took no chances. They used chloroform to knock Rodney out, after he’d fallen asleep in Kestine’s bed, and kept using it until they were out on the water.

They handcuffed Rodney, clipped a twenty-foot length of chain to the left cuff, then slapped him awake. Professor Kestine had ordered them to make Rodney’s death quick and painless, but she was just a woman, and she would never know how Rodney had been killed. Kestine should have known better. They had been sent to assist her because they were without conscience, because they would not balk at mass murder.

A few miles outside of Waikiki, when they were bored with his begging and crying, they dumped him overboard, along with three five-gallon buckets of homemade chum. Kestine hadn’t given them much notice, so they had to improvise to make the chum. They had butchered a pair of Labrador retrievers, pets from a house down the road from Kestine’s home, to fill the buckets.

They circled the spot where they’d dumped the chum for half an hour, then pulled Rodney back into the boat. He thought it was a reprieve, that they wanted to question him or to warn him, but Ahmad wordlessly cut inch-deep gashes from the big toes to the heels of each of Rodney’s feet and dumped him back into the water.

Ten minutes later there was a strike, quickly followed by another, and another, and another. Ahmad jerked the chain in and out while Omar gunned the engine to prolong the chase, wildly swinging the zodiac back and forth, until Rodney died. Ahmad pulled the handcuffs back into the boat and they high-fived and headed for shore.

Chapter 6: The Amphitheater

Jenny found him on the rim of Berkeley’s campus amphitheater, eating a sandwich while watching a war protest. Heavy bags hung under Jenny’s eyes and, for about the millionth time since she became a Special Agent, she wished she could drink coffee. She sat a few feet away from him and tossed a beige envelope near his feet. He ignored it and her. “I’m sorry about last night,” she said. He ignored her again but she could tell he was curious.

She slid closer and said “I want to start over. There are pictures of your parents in there.” Jenny was cold despite her heavy skirt, the same color as the envelope, and white button-down shirt. Jake chewed and watched the protest. He wore surf shorts and a white tank top, but didn’t appear cold. Jenny noticed the thick vein along the ridge of his bicep.

“There’s no catch,” she said. “Even if you just decide to ignore me all day, I still want you to know- this is my way of apologizing.” She decided that was all she was going to say. She’d just sit and freeze. She looked down at the war protest.

Minister Farazee was speaking to a crowd of about seventy. Jenny’s mind automatically catalogued the groups she could identify from their costumes or signs: Black Muslims, Arab League, Anarchists and Communists. The four groups represented about half the people there. She guessed the rest of the people were militant Greens, pacifists, and the curious or lost looking for a cause. She supposed there might be as many as three FBI agents in the crowd as well, keeping tabs, getting names, seeing which groups were talking to whom. She didn’t try to spot anyone. If an agent she knew was down there, she didn’t want to know about it. She couldn’t slip, and possibly break someone’s cover, if she didn’t know.

Minister Farazee seemed to be a numerologist:

“Now how many letters are in the name Bush? Four. And we all know the Mandarin, that is the Chinese, word for four is phat. And the Chinese word for death is also phat. And what happened to the Muslim Chinese, in their own country, after 9-11? The Chinese killed them! That is, put to phat, to four, to Bush. What’s 9 plus 11? Twenty. What’s twenty divided by 5000? Point zero zero zero four, which is phat, which is death, which is four, which is Bush, but a point zero zero zero Bush. In other words, a junior Bush. Four times removed from the Bush that was Hitler’s ally! George Bush Junior! Follow me now!”

Minister Frazee’s supporters were interjecting cheers between each of his sentences. The Anarchists, Communists, and Arab-Leaguers were just waiting their turn. Some looked puzzled.

“Are you a Mormon?” asked Jake.

“Excuse me?”

“You dress like you’re Mormon.”

“Yes. What’s the difference?”

“I admire Mormons. I was never able to seduce a Mormon. Are you a virgin?”

“You’re a real jerk.” She couldn’t help saying it. She realized she was playing with the cross she wore under her shirt and made herself stop

“A jerk? Golly gee whillikers you‘re hurting my feelings. What’s it going to cost me? Don‘t tell me it‘s for free. That just means it costs more.”

At first Jenny thought he’d propositioned her. Then she realized he wanted to know who his mother was. She felt stupid and relieved, and disappointed, all at once.

She dug back for the line she’d come up with when she’d first thought to approach him.

“The United States of America needs a favor from you,” she said.

“The whole US of A? I feel really special.”

“It’s because of who your mother is. There’s no obligation for opening that, but maybe you’ll listen to what I have to say. Then maybe you’ll want to help us.”

“Maybe you’ll suck my dick, too, but I doubt it.” He picked up the folder.

It was the casual delivery, so offhand, that wounded her. She turned so he couldn’t see her expression. Jenny’s belief in an omnipotent God who cared didn’t deal well with the existence of casual assholes like Jake. Evil existed to be overcome. It made sense. But the casual assholes weren’t evil- they were like a side-effect of free will. There was nothing noble about fighting them, nothing to fight, really, yet they caused pain.

She turned back. Jake was staring at a picture of his father. His father was 25 when the picture was taken, and the resemblance to Jake was startling and obvious. The background was a Mosque.

“Is my father a fucking Arab?” Jake asked.

“You didn’t know you’re Arab? You kind of look Arab. I mean your hair, your skin.”

“I knew I wasn’t white. I thought I was Native American. Jesus Christ.”

“Does it matter?”

“I’ve got this past in my head. I thought- I never thought I would know the truth so my dad and I made one up. Where is he?”

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Why does he look so young here? Couldn’t you get a more recent picture?”

“I can’t tell you why. I’m stretching the rules by showing you those pictures at all, Jake.” Jenny was consciously using Jake rather than Mr. Mayberry. And she intended to use it a lot. Saying his first name would create a sense of familiarity.

He took another picture from the file.

“Is she my biological mother?”

“Yes. That one is recent. It was taken two days ago.”

“She looks like a hippie. She’s younger than I thought she’d be.”

“She was nineteen when she had you.”

“Is that why she gave me up?”

“I have a lot of information about both of them, but I don’t know that. You could ask her yourself.”

“Except you won’t tell me her fucking name unless I help you, right?”

“You just have to get us legal access to her house. She just has to invite you and I into her house.”

“For what?”

“I can’t tell you. But I know why and it is important. And it isn’t something she’s done. We’re not trying to prosecute her for something. We’re trying to stop her from doing something terrible. I swear on my life that it is important, Jake. Look, I am a Mormon. I am a virgin, okay? And I swear to God that it is important.”

“You want me to introduce myself to her so you can spy on her?”

“We have to know what she’s doing. It might be nothing, but we have to be proactive, and this could be that one real threat. If it is nothing, I promise you your mother will never know you helped us. She’ll never know how you found her. In fact,it would be illegal for you to tell her.”

“That is one hell of a story.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I know you believe that. But that doesn’t mean anything. I’m not buying it.”

“I’m not selling anything, Jake.”

Jake laughed. “You’re just like I used to be. You’re earnest- I mean you practically drip sincerity. That’s the kind of person everybody cares about. And I believe you believe what you’re telling me. But the fact that they send someone like you to ask for something doesn’t mean they are like you. In fact it makes them worse still. You’re believing them doesn’t make them honest.”

Jenny opened her mouth to reply but could not find an argument. Nothing she said would matter because he had the inside information about the evil nature of “them” – whoever “they” supposedly were, and Jenny did not. At least Jake considered her naïve, one of “their” pawns, rather than evil, and one of “them” herself.

“That is-” she stopped herself, not wanting to be confrontational, but could not think of anything else to say. “Don’t take this the wrong way, okay? That’s an asshole argument, Jake. That’s for kooks and people who are, like, rotten inside.”

“Well, you can think I’m an asshole all you want,” said Jake. “I’d rather be an asshole than help the people you work for. You don’t know because you haven’t been where I’ve been, or done what I’ve done. Okay?”

“Okay.” She only said it because he had paused and wanted her to answer. But that answer wasn’t good enough for him.

“It isn’t fucking okay. I’ve walked in your shoes. You haven’t walked in mine. And you’re the one doing something wrong. You’re the one who’s messed up. You’re just too stupid-” he took a deep breath and calmed himself. Then he continued in a more normal tone. “You’re not stupid. You’re innocent because you’re too inexperienced. And you won’t know until it is too late. I’m sorry, but I won’t help you. I won’t. I want to meet my biological mother, but not so I can betray her. I mean that’s ridiculous.”

“I can make you an offer,” Jenny said. “We can get you a grant that pays full tuition, plus room and board.”

“I don’t need that. I probably take home double what you do.”

“Hear me out, Jake. I’m talking about four full years, plus grad school if you opt for that. You would have to maintain a C average. That‘s it. Do you like being a stripper?”

“No. But I can’t trust you people in the first place. How do I know you wouldn’t change your mind after I did what you wanted?”

“Get a lawyer and we’ll draw up a contract.”

“You’re the Federal government. You have all the guns. You don’t have to abide by a contract.”

“You think we’re going to ‘rub you out’ to save money?”

“Do Waco and Ruby Ridge sound familiar?”

“Oh, please.”

“’Oh please?’ You think that’s what those kids burning to death were saying? You think that’s what that mother thought when she got sniped for holding a baby to her chest? You know what I’ve fucking done for you people? Even if you offered me cash, a million dollars, I would say no. Because you could freeze it. You could claim I was a drug dealer and confiscate it without even taking me to trial. You can’t be trusted.”

“If you really believed that you would do anything I asked because you would be scared. If we’re so evil we’d ruin your life for not obeying us. You can’t have it both ways.”

“I can, though. Because I know you can’t make me do it. You can audit me, claim I’m a drug dealer and take all my money, throw me in prison, send me to Guantanamo, do whatever you want. But you can’t make me do anything. So I win.”

Jake stood and walked away.

An anarchist was talking about how America was run by Jews in low earth orbit satellites bent on disenfranchising the masses to further empower themselves. Jenny hung her head and covered her ears and looked at the black of her eyelids. Nobody, even in the over-achiever stacked, hyper-competitive FBI, tried as hard as she did. She wondered though, if someone who could drink and smoke to relax, and guzzle coffee for energy, would do a better job than she could. Every day she sunk lower- she felt close to burnout and she was relatively new. She opened her eyes and flipped off the anarchist. He didn’t notice.

First Three Chapters of JACOB

2006-09-14T13:51:00.000-10:00

I feel pretty comfortable with these 1st three chapters of my new novel JACOB. Not great, but comfortable. So here they are.

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION TO POLITICAL SCIENCE

Professor Kestine heaved the course book above her head, held it for three beats, and hurled it down. The THWACK made people jerk in their seats.

“Pay attention now,” she said. “Now, if at no other time in this class, or at this University. The problem is not the outside world you face in your everyday life. The problem is the inner world you created for yourself, which you have never faced at all. Which 99.999 percent of the people on this planet never will face. This is what shapes your perceptions. This is the world that tells you what the outside world truly is.”

She had them now. This was the stuff. They were part of that .0001 percent, or they could be, if they paid attention.

“I’m not talking about whether my dress is black,” Professor Kestine continued. “We can all agree on that, we can trust this basic perception. I’m talking about value judgments. When someone says something is good they are saying it is good compared to something else. That is a judgment shaped by their inner world, not a reflection of reality. When another says something is bad, that is, again, a reflection of what is inside them, not of what is outside of them.”

She surveyed her ranks of students, and knew from experience which would come to her after class. The heavy earnest girl and her prettily confused friend would likely visit. The angry young man who sat in the front and sneered all the time would want a word as well. But they were the easy ones, the marks. The tough ones, those who might be worth something someday, were harder to find. There was little use in preaching to the choir if you were preaching that people should not believe in something. She wanted people who were able to believe with passion. She wanted to create a vacuum she could fill, not talk to people who were incapable of believing in anything. Cynics were no use to anyone.

“What is the difference between liberalism and conservatism? Both philosophies see the world the same way, or nearly enough in the same way, but they make different, opposing judgments, about value. A liberal, because of their inner nature, sees the faults in a society and therefore wants to make change. That is the simple definition of liberal. A conservative, because of their inner world, does not see these faults, and fears change.”

She told herself to slow down. Bluntly informing people, even college freshmen, that their country was an evil blight was counterproductive.

“Regardless of what you believe today, it is your inner world that has made you believe it. Maybe you are a conservative by today‘s standards, maybe you are a liberal, but regardless, you must give the liberal mind set credit.”

Telling them they should consider whether their country was evil or not, and that they must have an open mind about it, worked better. But telling them, in so many words, that those who loved their country were vain, blind, and cowardly, was most effective.

“The conservative loves who they are and has no motivation to fight, to change, to progress, to improve. The liberal is able to love the dream. To love who they could be, what their country could be, and so has the courage, the crazy courage, to hate who they are. And through that hate they find the necessary motivation to change. To progress. To fight.”

She picked the textbook up and raised it over her head again.

“Three thousand years ago a man named Moses brought ten commandments down from a mountain and said these were the law. He was a liberal. He hated what the Jews were and wanted to change them, to make them better. When the conservatives of that time ignored those laws Moses threw them onto the ground LIKE THIS!” Nobody jumped when the book bounced off the dais. They were enrapt. “Two thousand years ago another Jew named Jesus said the Roman world was wrong, that the Pharisees, the conservatives of the Jewish world, were wrong, that the Jews who went along with it all were wrong, and the conservatives of the time crucified him for hating the world and trying to make it better.”

Two months of three classes per week were left before summer break. Professor Kestine thought about half of these students would see their families in an entirely different light by then.

“You must face your inner world and shape it. You must create it. I’m not telling you to be liberal or conservative. I couldn’t care less about politics. I’m not asking you to make any judgments about the outside world. I want you to face the inner world you have never seen, and decide what that world is, and if it is what it should be. And I dare you to have the courage, if you can first have the strength to acknowledge that it is not what it should be, to change it.”

Their parents would seem ignorant because they lacked education, or else willfully ignorant because they were greedy or vain. And these kids would be immune to any argument. They would identify themselves as elites due to their political beliefs. These beliefs would be a primary source of self worth. No argument would matter because anyone who disagreed with them was not important, obviously, since they disagreed with them.

“Thank you.” A few students clapped, and for a moment she thought she might get an ovation. It wouldn’t be the first time. But the applause died off and kids began to shuffle out.

It was difficult to teach virtue. You could not simply tell people the truth. You had to make them available for it. You had to make a hole. You had to batter their hearts. And this survey class of fifty-eight, five of whom had not shown up, would produce ten or fifteen people who were ready to begin the journey. And maybe one or two of them would continue until they were ready for real instruction.

The sneering one was moving toward her instead of the exit. She smiled and he smiled back uncertainly. The two girls paused on their way past her, unsure of what to do. She caught one’s eyes and said “If you have questions, feel free to stay, girls.” They stayed. Two more girls and one boy also stopped. It was just over a handful, but it was just the first day.

Her beeper, hidden against her right hip, vibrated. Paranoia was a virtue in her vocation. There was only one reason that beeper would signal now. Without a word she walked out.

Rodney, the graduate student who purchased her pager, quickly stepped into her place.

“There must be an emergency or something,” he said. He spoke with an acolyte’s fervor- “Professor Kestine isn’t like your other professors, or anyone you’ve ever know for that matter. Trust me. She definitely wants to talk to you and she’s not being rude. She’s just, you know, on another level.”

Kestine forced herself to walk rather than run to the nearest bathroom. Once inside she entered a stall, sat down and uncovered the beeper. The page was a number:

21117

Though she sat motionless, and her mind was calm, her heart hammered in her chest. The pores in her back and chest and brow opened and moistened with sweat. Her stomach felt acidic and her thighs and calves and jaw trembled. In 19 days she would be dying, and thousands, or hundred of thousands, would slowly die with her. Her life’s great dream was about to come true.

It was a bittersweet moment, though. Rodney would also have to be killed, and ASAP. He had been a loyal assistant, a great lover, and her best friend for the last four years. She loved him.

Chapter 2: Jenny is Assigned to Jake

Special Agent Day refused to tell Mr. Bukhari his son was decapitated by an IED in Tabriz. She borrowed a military chaplain, an Imam originally from Detroit, to do it. Mr. Bukhari arrived at the San Francisco headquarters building at 10:00 am and was escorted to the conference room and the waiting Imam. After two hours the chaplain came out to speak with Jenny.

“Mr. Bhukari is handling it well,” he told Jenny. “He believes Javi died fighting for Islam.”

“72 virgins?” Jenny asked.

“I certainly hope so, but Mr. Bhukari hates the Salafists for defying Islam. Virgins are secondary. He wants to know why he’s here.”

“He’s not a suspect or anything. We want him to do something for us. I can’t say what.”

“No offense, but he’s rather old-fashioned. Maybe a man should be asking him?”

“Political correctness,” Jenny answered. She meant the FBI recognized it would be better for a man to ask, but could not act accordingly because to acknowledge Mr. Bukhari’s cultural chauvinism would be to acknowledge the FBI’s cultural bigotry. The chaplain understood. “Can you prep him for me? I mean- let him know I’m not the bad guy.”

“I came here to comfort a fellow Muslim, a man who lost his son. I’m not going to help you talk him into doing something if I don’t know what it is. I’ll be here if he wants me.”

“Okay.”

Jenny entered and expressed her condolences, but Mr. Bhukari wasn’t having it. He had been crying, obviously, but his face was hard and suspicious now.

“This is the second time I’m being questioned by the FBI and my only crime is being a Muslim in America. Even after my son dies for this country-” He took a deep breath, trying to control himself.

“Your son was a patriot, Mr. Bhukari. No different than my Grandfather. He was a soldier, too. He died fighting the Nazi at Normandy. Except, unlike my Grandpa, your son can fight on, even after death. We need American Muslims if we’re to defeat the Salafists, sir. We can’t win without them. The record of Javi being in the Army can go away, for a time. Your son was a 2nd generation American and a devout Sunni Muslim. The terrorists don’t know he was a patriot, and would have a hard time believing it if someone told them. We brought you here, and told you about his death this way, because we can use his identity to infiltrate Salafist organizations.”

Jenny’s sales pitch had begun. She’d had twelve such conversations in the last year.

Two hours later Jenny walked into SAC Denton’s office. Denton had joined the FBI after serving in the Marines for 10 years. Though he was 54, he retained his Marine posture, haircut, physique, and aggressiveness.

“Will he do it?” Denton asked.

“Yes sir, but it is conditional.”

“He bargained with you. Hard.”

“How did you know?”

“Most Americans, if they aren’t lawyers, don’t feel comfortable bargaining while grieving. But Khubari’s first generation from Iraq. We pay out millions of dollars a year for wrongful killings over there. Different culture. What’s he want?”

“Scholarships for his other children, all eight of them.”

“Let’s hope we’re talking community colleges.”

“His son chose the military instead of Harvard, sir.”

Denton whistled. “It’s the least we can do for the poor bastard, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“But I’ll tell him. I have another job for you.”

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Stop. I know you don’t like this. But you look like Meg Ryan and you have a certain quality, I don’t know how to explain it, that makes older men want to help you. You bring out the knight errant. You walked in the door a year ago and I almost asked you what you wanted to be assigned to. By now you know how out of character that is for me, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“My first instincts about rookies usually involve the desire to inflict a humbling dose of pain and humiliation. Right?”

“That’s what I’ve heard, sir.”

“Right. So natural talent plus the heuristics training has made you thirteen out of thirteen, and nobody else is above fifty percent. And it is an important job, right?

“Yes, sir.”

“Right. And besides all that, this is your job. So you’ll do it as long as I tell you to, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now, having said all that, you’re approaching burnout, so if you talk this last guy into helping us I’ll transfer you to any assignment you want. Deal?”

“Yes. Thank you, sir.”

“Don’t thank me yet, Jenny. This is irregular, and it was brought to me in an irregular way. And I’m giving it to you in an irregular way. We’re in Indiana Jones mode on this.” This referred to the last scene Raiders of the Lost Ark, in which a small box is laid down in an endless warehouse. It was SAC Denton’s favorite way to express that the FBI knew something big might be going on, but had no idea what, when, where, how, or who.

Chapter 3: Who: Intro to Salahuddin

Achmed Mohammad was 41 years old, just under six feet tall, slender in a patrician, graceful way, and attired and groomed like a Wall Street lawyer. He was brainy, honest, decent, and exhausted. He had to excuse himself from the meeting.

If the fatigue were from jet lag, (he had clocked over seventy hours in flight in two months) he would have ignored it. If it had been due to sleep deprivation (he only required five hours a night, but had not had a full five once in three weeks) he would have put sunglasses on, and catnapped during the meeting itself. But the fatigue was in his soul. It was depression, hopelessness, and the crushing weight of failure brought on by having more things to do than anyone could get done.

The eight men at this meeting were important; more important than he was. None of them were as sincere, nor as effective, but they were known, and powerful in that way. And they all wanted peace, or at least wanted to be known to want it. But Mohammad was useless in this condition, and he had to meet more famous, more sincere, more important men tomorrow.

He napped in the taxi on the way to his hotel, and the elevator jolted him awake when it reached his floor. The temptation to flop on the bed, unwashed, was strong, but he knew he would feel dirty when he woke so he forced himself to take a shower. It was a mistake, though it probably wouldn’t have made a difference.

Exiting the shower, ready to sleep a sinfully extravagant seven or eight hours, he thought the bathroom doorway was a mirror. But his reflection was not naked, dripping water, but clothed in a bellboy‘s suit. His hair was not wet, but dried, gelled, and parted on the left. He parted his hair on the right.

When the reflection moved toward him he was staring at his own face, so that he never saw the blade snake beneath his rib cage to strike up into his heart. It hurt but there was no breath for a scream. He had time to wonder whether his assassin had timed the blow between breaths so he wouldn’t be able to scream, before the shock and pain made thought impossible. It took his body some time do die, but that was his last thought.

Salahuddin had, in fact, timed the blow to kill silently. Salahuddin was an exceptional assassin, as well as an exceptional bomber, infiltrator, evader, and torturer- everything a terrorist should be except leader and visionary. He reached under the bed (where he’d hid when his victim entered the room) and dragged out a large garment bag. The bag held a large blue tarp, several gallons of acid in long cylinders, and an assortment of butcher blades.

Eight plastic surgery operations had transformed Salahuddin’s face and body, including his fingertips, so that he could travel freely in the west using Mohammed’s identity. The match was nearly perfect. This was most likely overkill. But it would not be enough for Salahuddin to complete the attack. He had to succeed and make certain that Mohammed and those he worked for were blamed for the attack. The Americans might retaliate with nuclear weapons.

Salahuddin undressed and sighed. It would take four or five hours to get Mohammed bled out, dismembered, and separated for transport. He unrolled the tarp until it covered the entire bathroom floor, including the bathtub, and dumped Mohammed’s body atop the tarp inside the bathtub. He taped the tarp high along the bathroom walls, then slashed a gash in it so blood would flow to the bathtub’s drain. Later he would use the acid to scour the tub and clear the pipes of evidence.

The tarp reflected the heat of his body back to him. Soon he was sweating as he sang lightly under his breath. All work, all physical labor, at least, had a rhythm to it. Salahuddin found that singing made the exertion easier and the time pass faster. In the end it only took four hours to erase Mohammed from the room. His remnants were sealed in polyurethane bags which were then stowed in the duffel.

Salahuddin took a long, cold shower. He was too tired to dump the duffel. He thought about ordering some food and coffee from room service, but decided against it. He could get rid of the duffel in the morning. The only cure for this kind of exhaustion was sleep.

Trascript of a conversation I just had

2006-07-26T10:58:00.000-10:00

Me: I can't remember her name. She's that slut with the weird teeth...
Friend: -
Me: Her sister's a slut, too.
Friend: Patricia Arquette.
Me: Yeah!

You know how I know writing sucks?

2006-07-25T14:26:00.000-10:00

'Cause I finally completed a sensical rough draft of JACOB, and decided to do a read through, and couldn't get through the first fucking page, which is one of the pages I've rewritten the most, without finding forty fucking obvious things that need to be rewritten.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Don't go chasin' waterfalls

2006-07-03T13:09:00.000-10:00

that are 8 miles of up and down rock hopping hopping away without popping popping Ibuprofen and guzzling gallons of water before and during. I ache! But it was worth it, as I hope the pics show.

Daughter and I under a mini-falls in one of the many natural pools along the way. There are, no kidding, at least a hundred of these wonderfully refreshing pools, each with one or two or three small waterfalls of its own.

Part of Hanakapiai beach. Don't swim at this beach. Too dangerous. Pretty, though.

This isn't much of a pic. After I snapped this I turned around and took a pic of the entire Napali coastline. But my niece and nephew are in that pic and I don't know if they'd dig being on this site, so I can't show you. Sorry.

Bamboo pod. There were 5 or 6 of these along the way. I believe that entire thing stems from a single root. Kinda cool. The bamboo poles rub against each other, making creaking-staircase sounds. Eerie.

The top of the falls. It is about 3 times as long as this picture, so you're seeing the top third there.

Daugher and I are the two bobbing heads on the right. We were just under the falls before this pic was taken. The water was friggin' freezing. I've swum under this falls before. It doesn't drag you down into the water, nor push you under too much, so you can go under it and feel the water pounding hard onto your face and feel like God is breathing on you or something. It is pretty amazing.

Don't do it if you don't know what you're doing. Rocks fall inside the falls all the time, so you're taking your life in your hands. Also, there are times when the power of the water WILL kill you, not by landing on you but by pulling you under and rolling you around until you drown and then continuing to roll you around until you're hamburger. Tourists beware.

My daugther, unbeknownst to me, had followed me right into the heart of the falling water, something I never would have imagined nor allowed had I known. She went into the pool after me- I didn't even know she was swimming. She then went under the water for a few seconds, during which I had 3 heart attacks, but she did it just because the spray was hurting her face.

At times like that I have to remind myself not to turn her into a coward- not to freak out and teach her to fear things that aren't necessarily dangerous. But that was a heart-stopping moment, I'll tell you that.

To the left and behind the falls, catching a little breather.

That's it! Many thanks to those of you who continue to check the blog now and then even though I'm updating rarely because I'm focused on JACOB!

Jacob's still coming along- an example.

2006-06-02T15:42:00.000-10:00

For those of you, assuming there are any, who are wondering why I've stopped posting regularly, it is because I'm busting ass on my 3rd novel JACOB. It is coming along. To give you an idea I'm going to paste part of my Jacob Projects document, which is where I write about writing. I've italicized it and cut some parts that were overly embarassing and/or give up too much of the plot. Becoming a nicotine addict and then using the nicotine as a bribe to write is working pretty well. Maybe too well, lol.

Anyway, if anybody is wondering how a demented writer's mind works, or at least my demented mind, here you go:

5/22/06

3:26

Didn’t print anything over the weekend. Going to make a whaddaya call… where I list things. Outline. Okay I’ve created an outline form called Jacob Timeline Outline document. This should work. I can just plug in the chapters and then plug the text into the chapters… Eventually make an organized whole out of it. Try to start earlier tomorrow.

5/24/06

1:08

Work on timeline, pluggin in chapters that are done. Should I plug in the done chapters first, then go to JACOB FIXES ROUNDUP document and plug in fixes? I guess that’s the plan.

1:21

Bathroom break.

1:56

Looks like I don’t have a chapter list, which would definitely help when it comes to plugging this stuff in. Found it, from 9/7/05. Need to fix it before I can plug it in. It is called JACOB CHAPTER LIST. Done, and plugged in up ‘till plane ride on Day 3. There’s a problem now. So far things have moved chronologically and but the plane ride involves flashbacks. A bunch of them. Do I want to punch them in here, or later? Also, do I want to do this timeline chronologically and THEN decide where to punch in the flashbacks?

Thinking I’ll do that- timeline now and punch in flashback later…. Okay.

3:32 (some customer interruptions but a lot of good work done)

I’m through DAY 4 now, and satisfied with the chronology and the events. I’ve done a bit of outlining since then but I’m not sure about it. Think I’ll be taking some chapters out after this point- making some major changes so no use in outlining. That should probably wait ‘till tomorrow as I’m a bit wasted right now.

5/25/06

3:20

Checked the timeline it does need some changing towards the end, but the entire things needs some changes, from plugging in JACOB FIXES ROUNDUP etc. So let’s try to plug those in now. I’m getting ahead of myself thinking I’m ready to plug in text at this point. Not there yet.

3:55

Okay all the JACOB FIXES ROUNDUP are now in the Jacob Timeline Outline document. Things are moving quickly, actually. Need to print it out and look at it for a while. Things to ponder

1. Where do Ella’s flashbacks go? Gotta remember that you don’t want to ruin the narrative of the story.

2. Where do Jacob’s flashbacks go? Again, can’t ruin the narrative of the story!

3. Should I figure out the page/word count of all these chapters and include it in the timeline? The narrative is not EVEN, some things are described in way more detail than others, and it wasn’t done consciously.

4. Beyond that, some things that are LESS important, are described MORE. Gotta change that.

Thinking Jacob flashbacks should begin VERY early on. Maybe even intersperse them with Kestine flashback from the beginning. Don’t want to screw up the narrative.

The biggest problem I have in JACOB now is the fact that Jenny is recruiting Jake to get to Kestine’s computer because Jake is Kestine’s son. That’s the biggie. And I don’t know how to get around it. It is an abuse of suspension of disbelief… So what to do? Brazen it out- put it right there in the very beginning of the book- HERE’S THE BIG PREMISE- TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT! Or try to slide it in sideways??? I don’t know…

5/26/06

12:20

Going to do these from yesterday:

4. Beyond that, some things that are LESS important, are described MORE. Gotta change that.

Or… no, better to transfer the pen edits to the computer so that the count will be accurate. Going to plug the changes in chapter by chapter to avoid frustration.

Will do it in a new document called Jacob Timeline Outline with Text.

Starting with:

Ch. 3: The Professor – Done with it. Got some interruptions from customer etc.

2:05 now.

Maybe she should JUST GET THE PAGE and it just has a number on it. The Date of the Pro Bowl! Yeah, that’s it. Ch. 5: The Message, is CUT.

Just changed Ch. 3: The Professor. The change works!!! YES! This would be an excellent opening chapter.

2:20-2:45

Working on Ch. 4: The Delivery Man.

5/30/06

Just finished Ch. 4: The Deliver Man. 3:13.

Ch. 2: The Amphitheater, and Chapter 6: Jenny’s Sales Pitch are next. But do I need to combine them with the now gone Ch. 1: The Seal?

I don’t know. Don’t see how The Amphitheater works with The Seal…

Okay- I’m thinking there will be a short, VERY quick confrontation in The Seal- and it will be the result of her getting flustered because he makes her horny, more than anything else. (Going on that premise for now, anyway.)

After the confrontation she should realize she will be up all night castigating herself. This is good for her character development and will help keep some stuff in Amphitheater.

Finished Ch. 2: The Amphitheater, but there’s a problem. She’s complaining she’s hot and it is January. Why would she be hot? Fixed. Easy fix. Put in body language stuff.

4:18 now. Take a little break.

Got back into it because of the cigar. J Ch. 6: Jenny’s Sale Pitch, is going okay. But there’s too much dialogue and exposition and NOTHING else is happening. It would be very good to intersperse this with something else, the way that girl worked the elevators. Some kind of symbol showing Jake going up and down- something- arghh… you could have the war-protest get violent, but in a stupid funny way. Show the protestors being asses, acting incredibly self-important etc., while the adults are having a serious conversation about protecting America. Have their dialogue, which is real, and is serious, interrupted by calls of Takbir! (whatever the fuck that means) and etc. in bold while this conversation takes place. You could have Eric over at Classical Values give you a decent idea of a setting for this, too… For now, and for tomorrow, keep up with the standard rewrite of the dialogue, and then kick in with the rest of it on the next version of the rewrite. Good stuff for tomorrow.

5:00 now. Jeannie’s a bit late.

““So you can think I’m an asshole all you want,” said Jake. “Okay? Think I’m all rotten inside or whatever. I’d rather be an asshole than help the people you work for.”

The above bolded is where I am on the Jacob Timeline Outline rewrite of Ch. 6: Jenny’s Sale Pitch. Something else to keep in mind- I’m having Jacob balk- and that’s okay- but he doesn’t necessarily have to balk as long and as hard- he doesn’t have to explain WHY he is balking to Jenny. He can just balk.

5/31/06

12:11

Just finished the dialogue rewrite of Ch. 6: Jenny’s Sales Pitch. It is better than before, but still awfully long. Gotta remember there are two parts to it: The exposition where Jenny tells Jake and the reader what is going to happen, and Jake’s balk. Or, wait, there’s more. There is also Jake’s mother and father and Arab-Jewishness being introduced, so really it is 3 parts.

COULD

Part 1- Farazee/Takbir

Part 2- Anarchist/Jews in LEO satellites OR

Part 3- Mini-riot/Pepper spray.

Having a bit of a difficult time with this… 12:24 short break.

The two chapters together are- 7.5 pages. Another problem- Jenny gives Jake Kesine’s name and location BEFORE he agrees to help, and he does NOT agree not to contact her before the date- that really puts the FBI out on a limb. So have Jenny do the sale’s pitch BEFORE she tells Jake the names- JUST do the sales pitch, sans the intro to the mom and dad.

Just have Jenny show him the picture of his mother- and then do the sales pitch. Then you can do the rest on the plane.

2:07

Okay got that done. Rough a bit- but basically done. And it is cut from 3.5 to 2.25 pages to boot. It could probably be cut quite a bit more. But time for a break. Oh, and it is in a new document: Chapter 2 Latest Rewrite.

6/01/06

Been working on Jacob again since 5/19/06. Easy to get discouraged considering how much there is to do. Must remember that progress IS being made, however slowly. It may take a year to finish Jacob- if so- hey, that’s just a bigger accomplishment, in a way.

12:19

Okay- I guess I’ll just copy Ch. 2: Latest Rewrite and paste it into Ch. 2 The Amphiteater. Might eventually change the chapter’s name to “The War Protest.” Done.

The remnants of Ch. 6: Jenny’s Sale’s Pitch:

Need to be put into: Ch. 15: PLANE RIDE WITH KESTINE BIO AND UNDERCOVER IDENTITIES or somewhere.

12:31 Now. What to do next? Doing Ch. 7: The Workout. Having the kind of problems that make me want to quit. The description of Danny’s Gym is what’s doing this to me. Well, start over. Do it right.

1:22 now. Some quality work there. Ch. 7 Danny’s Gym is one of the ones I thought was okay. Obviously not. Much cleaner now, so far. But I’ve reached a sticking point less than halfway through- again. Ergh. Taking a break.

3:03 Time to start on it again. Nice to finish it today.

3:35 Done with Ch. 7: The Workout, BUT! Ch. 11: Jake’s Still Trying to Deal, is now combined with it.

3:47 That was easy. Done. Good stuff, too, I think. Time to introduce Glenda from GLENDA CHAPTER

4:05 Done, except it is in the wrong tense. Taking a break. I really like the way it is written and I’m not sure I want to change it.

6/02/06

11:35 I’m pushing ahead here, even though the previous chapters I’ve done on the Timline Outline with Text aren’t completely done done. There will be time for that particular detail work later.

I’m still trying to get a workable rough draft now.

So we’re on Ch. 8: Another Way to Skin a Cat-

But first- found some forgotten notes on back of Ch. 7: The Workout- transcribing.

1. Gnome calls SF contact

2. SF contact tell Jenny to check out this guy Jacob, see if he’ll help. (This would mean that JENNY is the one really pushing Jacob. SHE’S responsible, due to her work-ethic, ambition, whatever, for the intensity of the pursuit. )

Text- We’re in crisis mode here. It’s like the end of Indiana Jones. We’re working our way through that huge warehouse. That’s our job. It takes time.

3. DID 3 already.

4. Salahuddin kills, takes other guys identity BEFORE Kestine hears he’s coming. (solved this already, right?)

5. Salahuddin should buy the horse pills BEFORE he kills and takes Mohammed’s identity.

(This is an interesting idea. And… maybe… anyway the way the horse pill chapter and the Salahuddin chapter are written they could easily be switched. Something to keep in mind for the spacing, definitely. Bit. Really, the idea is that the horse pills come on the market, and THAT’S what sparks everything. But no, you just have to cut the horse-pill purchase all together, because if Salahuddin didn’t have them, he would never have had the operation in the 1^st place. UNLESS the guy he gets the horse pills from is the guy who called Kestine and Salahuddin- the guy being watched etc. That’s probably the way to do it. Mention that the guy with the horse pills is known, by voice if nothing else, and that he barely escaped a few times? This is pretty important need to remember. )

JACOB is coming around.

2006-05-25T16:18:00.000-10:00

Slowly but surely. It has been such a flog to get the rough edited because it was such a hodgepodge and made no sense whatsover. Looking back, I really forced myself to write despite being uninspired, and the result was/is... ugh.

But now things are looking up. I finally got the chronology down, and there is only one HUGE problem left. Not sure if that problem is solvable- it is sort of built into the premise.

Anyway, I haven't been posting much because I've been working on the book. And I've found a way to batlle writer's block I never have heard of before- I allow myself to smoke/chew a cigar ONLY when I'm working on the book.

I used to be a smoker. That nicotine urge is powerful, man. Powerful enough to combat almost anything! So now I'm walking a fine line. Don't want to go back to being a full-on cigarette smoker/addict, but want strong enough cravings to motivate me to write. It is working so far. :)

3 Poems to Ponder

2006-05-24T12:41:00.000-10:00

When trying to understand poetry it certainly helps to know the type of poetry that was popular during the time a given poem was written. Well, more than that, it helps immensely to ENJOY the poetry. Anytime you read a carpe diem, like this one from ee cummings:

(ponder,darling,these busted statues
of yon motheaten forum be aware
notice what hath remained
--the stone cringes
clinging to the stone,how obsolete

lips utter their extant smile . . . .
remark

a few deleted of texture
or meaning monuments and dolls

resist Them Greediest Paws of careful
time all of which is extremely
unimportant)whereas Life

matters if or

when the your-and my-
idle vertical worthless
self unite in a peculiarly
momentary

partnership(to instigate
constructive
Horizontal
business . . . . even so,let us make haste
--consider well this ruined aqueduct

lady,
which used to lead something into somewhere)

it is nice to at least be AWARE of Marvell's version:

To His Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime
We would sit down and think which way
To walk and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood,
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, Lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song: then worms shall try
That long preserved virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust:
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life:
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

and the pleasure is tripled if you're aware of Donne's sort of similar take- not a carpe diem poem, but another sophist attempt to get a lady to let you stick in in there:

THE FLEA

Marke but this flea, and marke in this,
How little that which thou deny'st me is;
Me it suck'd first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled bee;
Confesse it, this cannot be said
A sinne, or shame, or losse of maidenhead,

Yet this enjoyes before it wooe,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than wee would doe.

Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare,
When we almost, nay more than maryed are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is;
Though parents grudge, and you, w'are met,
And cloysterd in these living walls of Jet.

Though use make thee apt to kill me,
Let not to this, selfe murder added bee,
And sacrilege, three sinnes in killing three.

Cruell and sodaine, has thou since
Purpled thy naile, in blood of innocence?
In what could this flea guilty bee,
Except in that drop which it suckt from thee?
Yet thou triumph'st, and saist that thou
Find'st not thyself, nor mee the weaker now;

'Tis true, then learne how false, feares bee;
Just so much honor, when thou yeeld'st to mee,
Will wast, as this flea's death tooke life from thee.

Having said that, ee cumming was aware that he was playing with a convention, and expected the reader to be aware, and there is no reach here. The author's intent is known, and is obvious to those in the know, so there's no stretch when it comes to reading the text. He EXPECTED readers to be aware of other poems with similar themes. He's playing with them, the way Eminem expects you to be aware of Snoop Dog's older songs in order to fully enjoy Eminem's newer ones.

You can go too far when it comes to seeking authorial intent to understand text.

12 years in jail for blogging.

2006-05-17T15:04:00.000-10:00

China is a fat steaming pile of shit.

Eric Schie has the details.

Cartman and Cesar Milan

2006-05-05T09:39:00.000-10:00

I watched the episode on Wednesday. I vote it the funniest South Park ever. Nice to see them leaving politics out for an episode too.

You can watch a clip of it over at Comedy Central.

I'd really like to see them go after Jon Stewart and Bill Maher. Such ripe targets. So juiiiiccccy sosoosoooo preeeecious.

I have no idea what the targets, juicy, precious stuff is for. I'm just going with it.

Life for Mousaui a good thing

2006-05-03T14:27:00.000-10:00

(Especially if he's forced to tend pigs.)

One of the reasons people say this is bad is because it sends a message to potential terrorists that the US is soft on terror. But the people claiming that have NOT shown that the pool of potential terrorists would rather go to jail for life than die. And really, considering all the suicide bombers, I think the onus is on them to prove just that.

A suicide bomber, which is what Mousaui aspired to become, is a particular type of coward- one that would rather die fighting than live fighting- and a certain type of loser- one that would rather lose gloriously, and claim eternal victimhood, then win and no longer have an excuse for being garbage.

To someone who has the peculiar characteristics of a would-be suicide bomber, spending a lifetime in an American prisoner is MUCH worse than dying in a blaze of glory.

On Coercion:

2006-05-03T13:13:00.000-10:00

Eric Schie- EXCELLENT blogger, in a good post, wrote:

"The piece also touched on the Muhammad cartoons, and misplaced tolerance -- i.e. tolerance of intolerance:"

I don't think that's misplaced tolerance. Maybe we mean different things, though. Intolerance sans coercion MUST be tolerated, is what I'm thinking.

Which translates to bigots must be allowed to be bigoted BUT they must know that ALL people's rights must be respected. I'm taking it from the perspective of an individual's right to be a bigoted dick without the government using coercion to change his or/her behavior as long as he doesn't interfere with another' rights.

So no hate crimes etc.- just crimes.

But I don't know why I tend to use different definitions of the word tolerance when I read "intolerance must not be tolerated."

I'm translating it to tolerance sans coercion must be coercively ended. But why not translate it as intolerance with coercion must not be tolerated, though we shouldn't use coercion as a way to show it won't be tolerated? I have a headache now.

Here I go:

If intolerance is defined to include coercion we must be intolerant of it, that is use coercion to stop it.

If intolerance doesn't include coercion we must be tolerant of it, however.

Lol.

Coercion is the sword to cut the Gordian knots the multicultaralist have tied us in.

Colbert and the Atheist

2006-04-28T10:02:00.000-10:00

So I go back to Althouse- man I wish I could quit her, and read this-

Amba on religion and "The Colbert Report":

Colbert is something far more subtle than a fundamentalist, but on some level he means what he's saying, and is making fun of himself for meaning it by impersonating a fundamentalist's absurdly over-the-top way of saying it. No wonder Harris is baffled: it's impossible to tell where Colbert is really coming from. If you assumed he was mocking religion itself and therefore agreed with you, you'd fall into a trap.

Harris is atheist Sam Harris, and you can watch Colbert's interview with him here. Enjoy all the perplexing subtleties!

WOW! Watch the vid it is great... Colbert is some kind of genius. I can see a generation of wickedly smart comedians coming after him. You'll never know when they mean it or they don't- you'll ride the cognitive dissonance like a surfer- you'll enjoy the joke and not need the punch line. Watching him I sometimes turn away the way a baby does when it has too much input and is overwhelmed by confusion.

Man that guy is good.

Statistics

2006-04-27T10:02:00.000-10:00

Eric Schie has a good post about numbers, part of his seminal slide rule series, over at the always excellent Classical Values. He missed the day when numbers were real, when everybody pretty much agreed on a single number.

How many homosexuals are there in the United States? Gay activists claim as high as 10%, while their opponents claim as low as 1%. (Typical numbers debate here.)

But my point is not to argue the merits of Global Warming, immigration, homosexuality, or unemployment. What bothers me is the disappearance of real, unbiased statistics in favor of shrill, ever-more-partisan ones.

Statistics, in my view, are rapidly becoming opinions.

I miss the good old days when they were facts.

It made me think about why I no longer trust the experts...

I think statistics were once believed because the elite were believed to believe in honest, integrity, and ethics, beyond all else. IF that were true then they would report numbers, right or wrong, honestly, at the very least. So you could say they are true so far as the best experts can figure out, which is to say they are true since nobody can legitimately argue otherwise.

Once those values became secondary to social justice, once that end justified any means, the academic elite, that was once the pool that made up experts, became nothing more than a recruiting ground for fighting ideologies. It was inevitable then that expertise in a subject would become secondary to the ability to bullshit.

So the quality of academia has consistenly spiraled downward, despite the fact that the pool of talent, those who go to college, has spiraled upward, for the last 50 years.

But where this phenomenon REALLY is obvious, and detrimintal to society, is the media. Thank God for the internet. Or Al Gore, depending on who you believe.

Donny Hathaway-

2006-04-26T12:58:00.000-10:00

How in the hell have I never heard of this guy!??!!?

THANK YOU ELLIOT YAMIN and American Idol!

Wow... is it possible that this guy will stand alongside Boz Scaggs, Al Green, Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, Elton John - on the top rung?

Or even a step below alongside Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Billy Joel, and so on?

Maybe a bit lower, with Sting... We'll see, but it is very exciting to have found a new great singer with an entire library to discover and enjoy.

Self PWN3D at the Althouse...

2006-04-18T12:30:00.000-10:00

Wow... here's my latest comment to the Althouse:

Ann,

You're right that I misunderstood. You think the flyer's mention of free speech had nothing to do with the right to freedom of expression.

I think it did. So really I was objecting to something completely different than what you were talking about... Nice job of making an ass of myself. Well, not the first, nor I'm sure, the last time.

Sorry.

Argh... I really did misread her. I think SHE misread the flier, but that doesn't change the fact that I misread her... Wow how embarrassing...

AHAHAHAHA... such self pwn3ge is rare... Where the hell were you WILL? HORNY G???

You guys are my 2 regular readers. Why didn't you save me from myself???

More Althouse UPDATED

2006-04-17T16:18:00.000-10:00

I guess it is a dialogue now...

She said:

Harkennodog: I have said many times that I don't think we ought to give in to threats of violence. My point has always been, here, and in other posts, about behaving decently with respect to people in a general way, across the board. That was the basis of my hypos, in response to your assertion that we need to go to the limit of free speech. Clearly we don't and we shouldn't.

And I said:

Ann,

"in response to your assertion that we need to go to the limit of free speech. Clearly we don't and we shouldn't."
I guess that's where we disagree. I think free expression is under attack, and (I guess) you don't.

Comedy Central says they won't show a cartoon of Mohammed because they are afraid Muslim will kill people. Borders admits they won't carry a magazine for the same reason. The NYTimes did not admit that was why they didn't show the cartoons, but that was the obvious reason considering they showed Piss-Christ. The cartoons were published in the first place because Danes were self-censoring out of fear.

Given all that, given that so many are already not showing the cartoons specifically because they fear they'll be killed, I don't understand your position. Do you really think there is no danger to free expression right now?

Besides, since when is showing a cartoon of Mohammed "indecent behavior?" Are you really prepeared to allow certain Muslisms to define decent behavior THAT narrowly? Do you understand the implications of that choice? I mean certain Muslims find you showing your face indecent.

I then posted:

I guess what bothers me most is the "clearly" part of "clearly we don't and we shouldn't." Is it really so obvious that there's no threat? Is it so obvious that this is just a matter of manners? I just think that's crazy. Maybe I'm misreading.

Somebody throw me a friggin' bone here.

Oh, scroll down two posts for the 1st few parts of this dialogue.

Okay, so I was completely wrong, see the SELF PWN3D at Althouse post above... But before I figured THAT out I responded to her new comment:

Harkennodog: I agree that free speech is under attack, but I don't agree that the response to that attack is to be openly offensive to large groups of people who are not themselves doing the threatening. It's crude, rude, and ineffective.

With this:

Ann,

You say this Muslim group is not threatening, but they are. In the end, they are promoting coercion to curtail free speech. That's what-

"While Islam promotes free speech, it is important to recognize that anything that is discriminatory does not qualify under this heading."

actually means. They aren't saying they are going to be terrorists, they are saying the government should change, and actively seek to take away, rather than guarantee our right to free expression. They aren't saying they'll blow you up for showing a picture of Mohammed, they're saying the government should lock you up. Their goal is the same as the terrorists- coercion in order to silence.

Contrast this with a group that complains that Piss-Christ is rude, and wrong, but DOES NOT SAY THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD END FREE SPEECH to make sure Piss-Christ is not shown. There is no threat of coercion, either through legal or illegal means.

Which I think is true. But I didn't post it to her comments section because I finally fuggin' figured out that my entire string of comments was based on a false premise. Wow... I still disagree with her about the best way to confront Islamists, and I still got some good out of the "dialogue," but how fucking embarrassing!

AHAHAHAHA... such self pwn3ge is rare... Where the hell were you WILL? HORNY G???

You guys are my 2 regular readers. Why didn't you save me from myself???

I am an English genius.

2006-04-17T15:05:00.000-10:00

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 93% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 60% on Beginner
You scored higher than 36% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 37% on Advanced
You scored higher than 80% on Expert

I thought I'd score a hunnerd... Wrong. I missed DON'T LOOK IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THE TEST!!! if you're not scroll waaaaaaay down.

stationary/stationery:
to stay /paper

which was just stupid of me... I should have known. It is a simple memorization thing, and

whomever / whoever
him / he

the rule for which is:
35. She complains to __________ will listen.
a. whoever
b. whomever
c. Either a or b
d. Neither a nor b
The correct answer is whomever.
Points: a=0, b=1, c=0, d=0
Definitions:
who - pron. which person - used subjectively
whom - pron. the objective case of who
Explanation:
Whom is always used when it is the object of a preposition. Who is used as a suject and when a pronoun such as I or he could replace who. Here is an easy little trick to differentiate between who and whom: Replace the questionable word with he or him. If you would replace it with he, use who. If you would replace it with him, use whom.
Examples:
She complains to ___. You would fill in the blank with him, but you couldn't use he, so the use whom.
___ complains to him. You will fill in this blank with he, not him, so use who.
Who complains to whom? She complains to him. Very simply put:
Who = He
Whom = Him
Usage Note on the following webpage: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=who
http://www.wsu.edu/%7Ebrians/errors/awhile.html

UPDATED again. Does the Althouse not understand rights?

2006-04-14T14:51:00.000-10:00

Here is her scary post... Commentors object, and her replies to them are even scarier:

I think it's something that they express concern about free speech. But they aren't sold on the strong model of free speech that we love, because they have religious values and are worried that people need to be compelled, lest they speak irresponsibly. I would recommend reaching out to these students and not getting in their face about it. There is an opening here. There is some common ground. We need to prove to moderate Muslims that free speech is good. You don't have to get harsh because they won't accept the strong version of free speech. Accept the common ground and work on making connections. If you say it's all or nothing, and unless you accept mockery, you're as bad as the violent extremists, you are missing an important opportunity.

Here is my reply to her:

"Accept the common ground and work on making connections." Any compromise = giving up the right to free speech. I think your way validates the belief that free speech is not an inherent right, not something we are born with that government only seeks to guarantee, but a privelege government grants.

That is exactly wrong. And if anyone thinks that way they should be told they are wrong, and it should be made very clear to them that nobody, and no group, INCLUDING THE US GOVERNMENT, has the right to infringe upon our God given rights.

Let's be clear here- if the US Supreme Court says it is illegal for me to draw a cartoon of Mohammed that does not mean I don't have the right to draw a cartoon of Mohammed. It only means the US Supreme Court is trying to infringe upon my inherent rights, just as any other group which says I cannot draw or show a cartoon of Mohammed is doing.

Honestly, I find it kind of scary that a law professor doesn't hold to this view, which I thought was commonly believed.

Stock up on guns and ammo, boys and girls. The elite of this country, whether it is a smart law professor like Althouse or a war hero Senator like McCain, think free speech is something to be defined and granted by the government, we are in big effing trouble.

UPDATE:
It looks like the last paragraph above was wrong about the Althouse. She replied with this:

Harkennodog: You are not reading my comments with understanding. Calm down and try to read what I'm actually saying, not what you're afraid I'm saying. As a response to me, nothing you're writing makes sense!

I'm not talking about rights. I'm talking about getting along with other people and influencing them so that they will share or at least respect your values, including free expression. A lot of people undervalue freedom because they think people will do bad things with their freedom. So it would be a good idea for us to exercise our freedom taking account of the interests of others to show that that isn't true.

Which means she values free expression (she thinks that is a better way to say it than saying "free speech" and I guess I agree) but thinks... well, here's my reply to her reply:

Ann, I understand you and disagree with you.

1st, "I'm talking about getting along with other people and influencing them so that they will share or at least respect your values..."
The best way to influence someone seeking to limit free expression, this grouop included, is NOT by seeking common ground or rapport. It is by telling them too bad if you don't like it. If you want a fight you'll lose, so get over it.

"A lot of people undervalue freedom because they think people will do bad things with their freedom."
I agree with you about why some people undervalue freedom, and in fact those people are entirely correct. Americans WILL use their freedom to lampoon Mohammed, which some consider a bad thing. Why pretend otherwise? Why try to assure people that freedom of expression is okay because nobody will offend Muslims? People will. People are.

"So it would be a good idea for us to exercise our freedom taking account of the interests of others to show that that isn't true."
It IS true, though. And in fact, what you are saying is that we should practice limiting our own free expression, in order to trick a group of people into supporting free expression so that we will someday be able to practice free expression because those people will support it because after a while they will value it.

You're saying we should not practice free expression so those who don't want us to practice it will say it is okay for us to practice it, someday.

That won't work. In fact it will resort to those people further limiting free expression.

It is very strange. This all seems so clear and obvious to me. Yet the Althouse- older, wiser, and probably twice as smart as I am, doesn't get it.

UPDATE 2:
And now, desperate. Here is her latest response:

So, Harkennodog, do you recommend walking up to random strangers and shouting obscenities at them? Do you recommend bluntly telling children that they are ugly? Why not laugh at anyone old and say "You're going to die soon"? If you hold back, you're selling out free speech!

Wow... I think it comes down to a kind of compulsion to appease. And an equally powerful desire not to be aware of the compulsion. How else can such a smart lady be so dumb about something?

Anyway, my answer was:
Ann,
I think you're forgetting the context of these cartoons. They were commissioned specifically to combat the culture of fear in Denmark. People were scared, not of the government, but of individual Muslim citizens.
Given that this fear is real and reasonable, showing the cartoons is not at all comparable to walking up to random strangers and screaming insults at them.
Cheers! (Still a huge fan btw)

Benjamin Franklin = Player

2006-04-13T15:52:00.000-10:00

To a Young Man

On How to Choose a Mistress

By Benjamin Franklin

(this is an excerpt)

But if you will not take this counsel and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox and demand my reasons.

They are these:

(1) Because they have more knowledge of the world, and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

(2) Because when Women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue aimiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good woman.

(3) Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

(4) Because through more Experience they are more Prudent and Discrete in conducting an Intrigue to prevent suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And, with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerable people might be rather inclined to excuse an old woman who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsel and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

(5) Because every animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest part. The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Circle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the pleasures of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practise capable of Improvement.

(6) Because the Sin is less. The debauching of a Virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.

(7) Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflictions; none of which can attend the making of an Old Woman happy.

(8) and lastly - they are so grateful.

Thus much of my paradox. But, still I advise you to marry directly, being sincerely

Your affectionate friend,

Benjamin Franklin

My friend in Saudi Arabia called-

2006-04-11T12:17:00.000-10:00

Him: There's a difference between a fairy tale and a war story.

Me: What?

Him: A fairy tale starts with once upon a time and war story starts with 'You won't believe this shit.'

Him: The food here sucks. The beef tastes like shit. If you're not eating beef you're eating fucking camel.

Me: What's camel taste like?

Him: Tastes like shit. Everything has curry in it. These fucking people and their curry.

These guys make pastry like you wouldn't belive. Oh they don't fuck around when it comes to pastry man. There's nobody in the world makes pastries like these motherfuckers. You have a fuckin' pastry and you just about go into a coma. But they eat the shit out of that. These fucking guys are serious about their pastries.

Pastries and coffee. They make super strong coffee. You know like a doll's cup that your daughter would play with? That's the size of their coffee. And believe me that's enough. Two of htose and your good to go.

It's amazing too because Saudis are the laziest fuckers in the world. I mean 70% of the workforce is foreigners. These are not people who like to work.

Don't even let me get into how these people drive. You think Thailand is bad? Most of the stoplights don't work, like they're made in the 30's. But you know when the light changes 'cause the SECOND it changes everyone starts honking. I mean these people are in a huge fucking hurry to get nowhere.

You'd have to be doing Mach 30 for a cop to pull you over here. I've never seen a cop pull anybody over in the last year.

It's not all bad. There are some interesting, neat things here. Typical crime is non-existent. If you leave your wallet in a supermarket, in a store, anywhere else in the world it is gone before you get out the door. Here you can go back and get it the next day. They cut your hand off if you're stealing. It's effective.

Shaving part the 3rd...

2006-04-10T15:42:00.000-10:00

Put in the new Feather blade today... NO PROBLEM! HAHAHAHA!

I didn't have a repeat of the blood bath, for two possible reasons.

1) No pre-shave oil.
I stopped using the KOS pre-shave oil... Oil sucks for cutting, which makes it good for protecting your face from being cut but bad because you need more pressure to cut oil-covered hair. With these incredibly sharp feather blades the tiniest bit of pressure will lead to bloooooood.

2) Beard reduction.
I practiced beard reduction. Rather than trying to scrape my face clean with 1 or 2 aggressive passes I let the blade cut hair only by avoiding ever touching the blade to my skin. I did 4 passes, with ZERO irritation because I was not scraping my skin, but cutting my beard. This actually takes LESS time because you can go much faster because there is less danger.

Either way the answer was less pressure. I got a close shave, though not as close as the shaves that left me raw and bleeding, but also a very consistent, even shave. Ideally I would have baby but smooth skin after a shave, and also have zero irrititation. The way to do this, I think, is to have the shave I had today, and the do some gradually more aggressive against the grain passes.

I simply don't have the skin-stretching skills, the light-touch skills, or the grain-mapping skills necessary to pull it off. I'll get there. Really enjoyed today's shave!

Mohammed turned the other cheek many times.

2006-04-10T15:33:00.000-10:00

You don't hear much about it, but according to this wonderful post of the day it is true.

That's a great read. And don't tell me it is taquiya, okay? Even if it IS, a man tends to believe his own lies, eventually, and not all Muslims would KNOW it is taquiya, and would find the ideas presented attractive and go with them.

Incredible post of the day-

2006-04-07T11:55:00.000-10:00

dealing with anti-Semitism is here, Eurabia, and everything almost, is here.

It is a friggin' novel... go to the page and eat it as you would a whale, one at a time.

Evil or Funny?

2006-04-06T11:16:00.000-10:00

Both.

The second "reality" check was when this group of Warcraft players otherwise known as a guild interrupted a memorial service. Apparently, some dude dies in real life who is a popular WoW player. The people in the game think it would be nice to have a memorial for the player so they log into his account, take the character to a lake, and set it up for everyone to come pay their respects.

A bunch of dudes decide this would be a great time to ambush everyone so they run over a hill, kill the dead guy's character, and then wipe out everyone who was there to show their respects. They filmed the whole thing and put it on the net for everyone to see.

Follow the link to watch the movie... LOL... Condolences to the guy's family and friends.

best commercial ever

2006-04-04T13:37:00.000-10:00

click here to watch

Shavegeekdom part deux: Blood

2006-03-31T15:31:00.000-10:00

So I've been using my Murker HD razor with a Murker blade, and Wal Mart bought boar's hair brush, Williams Mug Shave soap, and King of Shaves pre-shave oil, and KOS Alpha Gel for a week. I mixed a dollop of the KOS gel with the soap for a few days and got a better lather, but I didn't like the smell...

The first shave with the Murker blade resulted in two cuts. After that I got better or the blade became more forgiving, because Saturday through Thursday I had zero cuts.

So I decided to step it up and try a Feather blade. Mostly the shavegeeks fear the feather blade, mostly. (You say it like Newt in Aliens, the "mostly.") But these guys talk about Feathers like gun-control feaks talk about guns- like they are evil and maim of their own volition... I knew the blades couldn't be that bad. Plus I figured I might be a natural.

I was wrong. I was very careful this morning, not only because we're talking about the Feather but because it is a BRAND NEW blade and that leads to cuts. I really took my time. After my NS pass with the grain I was okay. I had three tiny cuts but hey, I had had two with the Murker- I knew those guys exagerrated the danger! After the S/N pass I had one more... No biggie. I went for my T&C (Touch and Feel- you touch to feel the places you missed because you can't see them and then you cut against the grain) and got one more... Okay, so five versus two. Pretty damn sharp blade! I used my styptic pencil, just touch it to the cuts and the bleeding stops instantly.

I walked into the bedroom, got dressed, came out and looked in the mirror, ready to apply some Nivea A/S balm...

I HAD TWELVE BLOODY SPOTS ON MY FACE!!!

The original five were deeper than I had thought and seven more had magically appeared...

WHAT THE F#$(!!!???!!!

Lemme tell you something about these Feather blades man... They're evil. They WANT to cut you... they LOVE to cut you... Don't try it until you are a shavegeek level six, and even then I suggest you take out life insurance first.

3 posts of the day-

2006-03-31T12:22:00.000-10:00

Regarding Jill Carrol, who I posted about yesterday, this post and this post over at LGF show she was scared, and probably Stockholm syndromed. Poor woman... I hope she'll be able to recover from her ordeal. If she gets back to the US and denounces her abductors and cowardly sumbitches that need to be killed and have their remains pureed with a 1000 lbs of spam we'll know she has.

And THIS post is every, excuse me, should be every Westerner's wet dream.
It links to a Washington Times article in which a Muslim says Islam needs to reform. Wonderful because
1. a Muslim group is saying Islam needs to reform
2. the media is paying attention to a trully liberal Muslim group instead of those fascist fugs at CAIR, and
3. CAIR is denouncing the article, which will HOPEFULLY (though I doubt it) show the media they are fascist fugs who should not be treated as the de facto spokespeople for American Muslims, and will almost CERTAINLY get non-media types to
a. realize CAIR SUCKS, and
b. realize the CAIR hyping media SUCKS...

My email to Borders-

2006-03-30T14:02:00.000-10:00

I'm not threatening to kill anybody or anything like that, so you probably don't care that I dislike your policy regarding allowing terrorists to decide what Borders stocks. Still, I drop probably a couple thousand dollars at Borders each year. No more.

Hoping you'll grow a pair,

Theron Marshman

UPDATE:
A commentor asked wtf I was so mad about... good point. Here is the link.

Go to this link to learn about Jill Carrol being freed.

2006-03-30T13:49:00.000-10:00

The Jawa report has go it all... click here.

Charles Johnson inspires my comment with his apt:

She says the terrorists treated her well.

Her interpreter, murdered during the kidnapping, was not available for comment.

I don't get why these reporters aren't on our side in this war. They certainly are not. When you have an evil side and a good side, or even an evil side and a neutral side, reporting both sides is in effect unfair. It favors evil.

Do they think being a reporter absolves them of moral responsiblity? By reporting both sides as if they are equally reasonable they are being useful idiots, propaganda outlets for an evil philosophy.

If this woman is in shock that's one thing, it may excuse her, temporarily. But it does not excuse these news outlets reporting her words without caveats like Charles Johnson's.

Good post of the day about NYU and freedom of speech.

2006-03-29T11:58:00.000-10:00

Is here, found via Instapundit.

Trust me, it is definitely worth the read.

I have two comments. Both reply to this, written by a Muslim activist, Yvonne Ridley:

The student group is also planning on displaying the cartoons at the event... The event itself poses no problems but the pictures, as you know, are racist, offensive and there is really no justification in preaching something that breeds that kind of hate against Muslims.

Islam is not a race. The logic, I suppose, is that Muslims are mostly Arab and insulting Islam insults Arabs and is therefore racist against Arabs. This is stupid as Arabs make up only 12% of the world's Muslims. In fact the whole idea is absurd. The majority of Arab-Americans are Christians, in fact, so if you're worried about being racist against Arabs in America you better not insult Christianity, according to this logic. (I'm sure NYU would never allow anything like that...)

Suppose the argument is that no white people are Muslim, and therefore insulting Islam insults a non-white group, and any argument insulting any non-white group is racist. Even those PC-addled enough to accept such reasoning have no argument. The Muslims of Bosnia, Albania, Kosova, Bulgaria, Western Turkey, Russia, and the Caucasus are white. This is not a small minority of Muslims.

All this leads to my second comment, which specifically deals with this part of the above quote:

...there is really no justification in preaching something that breeds that kind of hate against Muslims.

Really? Yvonne Ridley's lies and attempts to squelch speech are much more likely to breed hate against Muslims than those cartoons.

So if any Muslim activists read this, I hope you'll contact Yvonne and tell her to STFU, as there really is no justification for her activities because they breed hate against Muslims.

For the record, I do not and never will judge, much less hate, Muslims because of this woman's lies and sophistry, but neither would I do so because of some cartoons.

I am become Shavegeek- destroyer of whiskers.

2006-03-24T11:11:00.000-10:00

I feel very strange about this because I feel like I should be ashamed but I don't feel ashamed so I feel ashamed for NOT feeling ashamed...

I am a shavegeek. I'm not an UBER shavegeek, but still. I don't remember how but I started reading this blog. It led me to a bunch of wetshave forums like this and this and this.

I didn't want to go too far so I didn't buy a $500.00 silver tip badger's hair shave brush or a bunch of English shave creams and etc... I just went to Walmart and bought a Fusion Power (which they say is the suck but it is a step-up from the Mach3 Power I used before) and some William's Mug Shave Soap (they say it's just okay but WAY better than any "goo from a can) and a $5.00 boar's hair brush and some King of Shaves Pre-Shave Oil. I didn't wrap my face in hot towels like they say but I did start shaving in the shower after my face had wet for a few minutes. I followed the basic wet shave ritual.

Cripes what a difference.

With Barbasol from a can and a Mach3, shaving after I splashed some water on my face, well, I used to put half a cup of heavy moisturizer on my face so that it wouldn't start peeling an hour later... I mean it looked like I painted my face with clown makeup. And I didn't just rub it in, I rubbed it in and put more on to let it sit there until it my face absorbed it itself. That may sound crazy, but if I didn't do all that it looked like my face had dandruff. No, it looked like my face was Mars (red) with dandruff. And it wasn't even a CLOSE shave!

With the new method a dab of moisturizer was enough, and I got a much better shave.

But I couldn't leave it alone. I ordered the Merkur Heavy Classic. This is a fine piece of stainless steel manufactured in Germany which accepts those double edged razor blades popular back when we feared the Soviets. This is shavegeek level 1.

Then I devised my system.

Run tap water until it is hot as possible. (Morning piss as it warms.) Fill mug, with shaving soap at bottom, with hot water. Put tiny shaving oil bottle in. It floats... Force it down by putting brush atop it, which also soaks brush. Lower water temp until it is bearable on face. Change shower head setting so it is a pulse and use pulsing water as a floss. Change shower head setting so that it is less cutting, and brush teeth, making sure water is hitting face entire time. (Look away only for occasional breaths.)

Total Shower Time, 3 minutes. Total Time In Shower, 2 minutes.
TURN SHOWER OFF.

Massage hot oil, just 8 or 10 drops in all, all over whiskers. Dump water out of mug, shake out brush, (not TOO much, you need enough water) and create perfect lather (stands on it's own but it very wet) by whisking, pumping, and painting soap with brush. Apply lather generously and roughly, using the brush to lift whiskers and exfoliate face. TST 4 minutes, TTIS 3minutes.

Vigorously soap up entire body so you look as covered in lather as that guy in Blazing Saddles when the horse pulls the public shower away from him. I mean go to town... Suds UP!!! TST 6 minutes, TTIS 5 minutes. (It is surprising how quick this process is if you really go for it.)

Now, if you'll notice, my whiskers have been saturated one way or another by hot water and/or oil (the lather is just a way to keep hot water on your whiskers) for at least 4 and up to 5 minutes. This hot water saturation is THE key to a good shave.

Shave. Shave upper area of face with grain down to jawline. This is a north to south pass. Relather uper area. Shave lower area of face with grain up to jawline. This is a south to north pass, mostly. Relather lower area. Shave upper area AGAINST the grain, south to norht, pulling skin taught, and being careful. Shave lower area against grain, north to south, pulling skin taught etc.

Relather spots where these two passes don't work. Everybody has such spots, where the hair grows in weird directions. You hit them in different directions. You can't really SEE them as much as feel them. Shave them at various angles, against grain.

TST 14 minutes TTIS 13 minutes. So it takes me 8 minutes to actually shave. I haven't rinsed yet, so the suds have been cleaning/moisturizing this whole time.

Rinse thouroughly with cold as I can stand water.
TST 16 TTIS 15-

Dry off, clean up shower area, and apply about a teaspoon's worth of moisturizer and deodorant. TST18, TTIS 17 (I dry off in the shower).

Okay, that's it. The minutes are estimates and can go about 2 minutes either way. So total time in the shower is 16 to 20 minutes, and I come out cleaner and better shaved than I ever have. And my face looks better, and it doesn't hurt as much. Also, I don't waste a lot of water = good for the environment. Also, I'm using $0.25 razor blades that last about a week each instead of $4.50 cartridges that last about a week. Total saving over the course of a year = $221.00. Oh, and those little blades take up a lot less space in a landfill, too. Oh, and that cake of William's soap will probably last 6 months.

Now, ALL THE ABOVE only makes me a shavegeek level 2!!!

Yeah, no kidding.

And there are like 9 levels... No kidding. But hey, in the last ten days my face has lost years of wear and tear... It is really almost unbelievable. There are worse obsessions.

this is a very cool test...

2006-03-23T13:30:00.000-10:00

click here to take it

I got 9 of them right...

The difficulty of refuting the Iraq war lies...

2006-03-21T10:18:00.000-10:00

Classical Values has a post with this comment. My reply to the comment is below.

"Originally, Bush invaded a peaceful sovereign nation for the ostensible purpose of dethroning Hussein, because his WMDs posed a threat."

These aren't just lies, they are so easily debunked by a 5 minute search that they are more like religious recitations... articles of faith repeated over and over to reaffirm something the speaker HIMSELF knows is based only on faith... It gets so tiresome debunking them though...

I'm not sure if it takes more energy to refute them or if the liars just have more energy... for the record, there were MANY reasons for invading Iraq, and they were all mentioned previous to the invasion. For the record, Iraq was NOT "peaceful." For the record, dethroning Saddam Huseein was NEVER the sole purpose of the invasion... sigh...

Fantastic post of the day about how Iraq war SHOULD have been run

2006-03-20T16:51:00.000-10:00

is here... Wow. You know I have sort of rejected the idea of analyzing Iraq with 20/20 hindsight. I actually think Bush has done a good job, given the enormity of the task and the RELATIVELY light casualties and cost...

But I have to agree with this.

Stevie Wonder is awesome.

2006-03-20T15:06:00.000-10:00

I can't believe how awesome he is.

American Idol got me interested, and I've got a Musicmatch Jukebox account so I can just download and listen to his music all day... and holy crap I've heard about 10 wonderful songs... I mean I feel that way about 10 of all of Al Green's songs, or Elton John's, or Boz Scaggs, so that's huge.

I don't know why I never knew... I thought of Sir Duke and Superstition... now I'm hearing Knocks me Off My Feet and Blame It On The Sun, All in Love is Fair... etc. Good stuff!

Eric of Classical Values reviews CLOWN!!!

2006-03-17T12:43:00.000-10:00

The review is here.

I'm a regular reader, and big fan of Classical Values, so Eric's opinion carries a lot of weight with me.

The verdict:

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

"Highly recommended reading! Especially for those of us who are squeamish about our dark sides. Or our loser sides. (Which means most of us.)"

YEEEEE-HAW!!!

So frinkin' FUNNY!

2006-03-17T10:28:00.000-10:00

found this at Ace of Spades:

Honest Shopper.

Reproductive rights...

2006-03-17T10:13:00.000-10:00

Okay, if you're REALLY bored at work here is a LONG debate about reproductive rights for men...
I get so bored at work that I actually HAVE the debates, which takes a lot longer than reading them. :) OHSU and I go at it. His opinion can be summed up as "If you have sex you must pay child support." I argue that if the woman gets pregnant through fraud it should be optional.
I think I won. He started getting squirmy squirmy towards the end, which I accepted as a functional surrender.

The debate happens on a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu forum, btw.

Al Quaeda chatter explained?

2006-03-16T10:54:00.000-10:00

This article,via Ace of Spades HQ, details how "authorities had foiled an al-Qaida plot that would have put hundreds of its men at critical guard posts around Baghdad's heavily fortified Green Zone, home to the U.S. and other foreign embassies as well as the Iraqi government."

and this one from Fox news, about how "Coalition forces launched the largest air assault in Iraq since U.S. forces invaded that country in 2003, the U.S. military confirmed Thursday..."

may explain the Instapundit's comment about Al Queda chatter:

"AL QAEDA CHATTER at pre-9/11 levels. I'm not sure what that means, but unless they're saying "this whole terror thing sucks, let's quit," it's probably bad news."

I think (and certainly HOPE) they're saying something along those lines. But it is probably more like...

"Did you hear they caught the guys trying to pull security in the green zone?"
"What?!?"
"Totally. We're so screwed. Unless they send those guys to Gitmo they're going to talk for sure."
"Oh chit."
"Not only that, they're taking out all those guys in Samarra."
"You've got to be kidding me! Don't make me stone your wife, man."
"I'm serious."
"Well... I guess if Allah wills it..."
"Save that shit for the tourists, man."
"Yeah. This whole terror thing sucks, let's quit."

Update: Welcome Instapundittites!!! Make yourself at home! Buy my book!

Update 2: Eric over at Classical Values reviews my book- click here to read the review!

Abajo Fidel! So great!!!

2006-03-10T13:14:00.000-10:00

This is so friggin' awesome.

Hat tip to Dean's World.

Ann Althouse crouches to jump my shark:

2006-03-08T11:18:00.000-10:00

This is a smart woman... why do smart people get hypnotized by Islamists?
Excerpt:

Last week, I mentioned that my colleague Asifa Quraishi was giving a talk on Monday called "A Reconsideration of Presumptions: Is Islam Compatible with Democracy?" So, what's the answer? Here it is in Professor Quraishi's words:

I think yes, Islam is compatible with democracy. It is also compatible with a lot of other methods of government. There's nothing mandating or prohibiting any particular form of rule in the source texts of Islam (Quran and Hadith).Quraishi, who teaches constitutional law and Islamic law here at the UW Law School, explained how, historically, Islamic law developed, with a "public lawmaking realm [that] was separated from the realm of those who derived law from from interpretation of divine texts." This traditional public lawmaking "could very easily translate to a democratic public legislative (even representative democracy, even federalism if you like that too) system." The question then becomes what do you do with the law that is derived from divine texts (and this is law, by the way, that a lot of Muslims in the world like, and in fact demand their rights under - much the same way we demand our constitutional rights - and this includes women, often in a very empowering way, but that's another topic) - i.e. the doctrinal corpus of law created by private Muslim jurists (fiqh).

To which I replied in the comments section:

What a great example of how you can say disgusting things in a nice way. Let's paraphrase:

"This idea that people should vote for a governnment and then that government makes the laws is just another idea. So Western democracy, seperation of state, freedom of religion, these are just value-neutral ideas and other ideas are just as good.

So when you talk about Muslims and democracy, the problem isn't Muslims, it is the presumption that YOUR democracy, (the one where you vote for a government and then that goverment makes laws which are equally applied to everybody) is better than OTHER kinds of democracy.

I don't want to get into the specifics of what kind of democracy Muslims should have, though. That's another topic. It suffices that Muslims will live under divine law 'cause that's what they like- and they'll demand the rights of that divine law 'cause that's what they want. Of course Muslim won't have to VOTE to make those laws into actual laws, or to prove they really want those laws. After all, I assure you they do, and that's enough."

And this woman is a law professor, lol.

Yeah, she actually IS a law professor. She's TEACHING PEOPLE LAW... alkfdjalk;sfjdaldsfj

POD from the BelmontClub

2006-03-08T10:51:00.000-10:00

Here Wretchard does what he does best, and better than anybody else. Basically he says that the enemy in Iraq is chaos, and that the US military has learned how to defeat chaos by empowering the troops on the ground, but the US State Department has not learned how to KILL chaos by empowering its employees on the ground to direct rebuilding.

He goes on to explain that Iraq is just one battle in which the United State's true enemy will be Chaos, though it will wear different masks.

You need to read it. It is fantastic.

Just bought 10 copies for $84-

2006-03-07T16:32:00.000-10:00

so profits are waaay down... :(

Two reviews of CLOWN...

2006-03-07T16:04:00.000-10:00

One says CLOWN is great- the other says it sucks... Can they both be right? I don't know... They are here at the same page where you can buy a copy. I'll cut and paste them so you can take a look...

Reviews:

Post a review | Posting guidelines | Ratings and reviews forum

Don't waste your time by Sam Rhetin Sat 4 Mar 4:11 am EST 2006
I usually finish every book that I pick up. Even if I don't like something I almost always try and stick it out until the end. This piece of work, if you want to call it that, was one of the rare exceptions. That's surprising for me since the book is only 151 pages. One of the main problems I had with this effort is the careless manner in which the author crafted the character. With so much focus being on the character and his inner thoughts you would assume Theron Marshman would have at least made an attempt to make him at least somewhat believable. Perhaps this book would have been palatable if it didn't suffer from overwriting. The thoughts and observations of the character should have been more concise. Instead of that, we mostly get a collection of incoherent ramblings about meaningless tangents unrelated to the story or the character. Often, after a point is made the author keeps hacking away at it for no apparent reason. This is one of the (many) reasons why I became impatient and gave up on reading at about the halfway point. Another shortcoming is the utter lack of detail in the surroundings within the narrative. The book is missing dimension in regard to the surroundings of the story and is devoid of ambience which wears thin after a short period of reading. This book appears to be nothing more than a disjointed story comprised of a collection of thoughts of the author that do not have much substance behind them when combined as a whole. If you're interested in a good read by a solid writer then you'll be very disappointed by Clown.
[ Reply ]

An incredible book! I want more! by georgeburkhart Thu 2 Mar 9:23 pm EST 2006 last modified on Thu 2 Mar 9:29 pm EST 2006
Take "American Psycho" replace the Yuppie with a struggling poet with a less than rigorous skin care regimen, add some brilliant steam of consciousness writing and a pinch of hilarious/insightful (sometimes both at the same time) situations/thoughts and poof, you have Clown. I'm obviously not a writer, but Marshman is a force to be reckoned with. The bar scene at 1st Ave (Chapters 29-34) is worth the price of the book alone. I love the wide variety of emotions this book takes you on. From a creepy suspense (is somebody going to die?) to laugh out loud comedy (Norman's pickup guide and smelling farts with William) and introspection and despair (Am I living up to my potential/ The Epic?), Clown keeps your attention and leaves you wanting more.
[ Reply ]

I'll let these comments stand without comment, except to say that MOST of the feedback I've received for CLOWN has been more like georgeburkhart's than Sam Rhetin's.

Sold another CLOWN so... $307.00!

2006-03-07T15:49:00.000-10:00

That's 3 today! Wow!

I wrote something mean about Natalie Portman

2006-03-07T15:00:00.000-10:00

at some point on this blog. Something about her being fat and stupid. I think I was pissed at her for being part of ruining Star Wars and for that ridiculous movie where she was a stripper screwing an asshole who was screwing some picture taking biznitch...

But I love her again, and here's why. She's HARD. She's hard like Affleck in Phantoms.

And she's HOT. She's hot like what's her name before she smiled so often and so hard that her smile became a gash running all the way across her face. Um... you know, she was the picture taking biznitch mentioned above... she just had a baby...

Portman is still a sort of squashed version of Winona Ryder, but still.

Two more CLOWNS sold = 292.00

2006-03-07T14:22:00.000-10:00

Wow! $300.00 will be a nice milestone. Unfortunately I'm almost out of books to sell, going to have to pony out so that will cut into the profits. But you can't sell it if you ain't got it. :) GOOD problem to have.

What in the hell is the world coming to

2006-03-07T12:44:00.000-10:00

when I applaud an essay written by a bunch of fuggin' commies? Seriously, they are commies.

Post of the day is here. Friggin' great.

Excerpts:

Despite the presence of many grievances in the general mobilisation, the focus on the cartoons has made it a single movement with one upfront demand—that the non-Muslim world should obey the prohibition of (the majority of) Muslims against portraying (or against insulting) Muhammad.

That people everywhere should obey a rule of a religion they all reject, and some may abhor. That those who refuse to obey the Islamic edit should be punished and penalised by non-Islamic governments.

Western governments who do not want to have their embassies burned down, or their trade with Islamic countries boycotted and ruined, or the lives of their nationals in Muslim countries placed in jeopardy, had better make themselves enforcers for the rules of a religion which their citizens do not accept. That is the demand.

They must curb free speech and free expression. Curb the freedom to criticism and mock and outspokenly denounce religion—the freedom from which over centuries most of our freedoms have been spun and consolidated.

And how have the bourgeois-democratic governments and liberal newspapers and TV systems responded? In the face of an outcry which—whatever energies other than religious feelings have fuelled it—has been a vast outpouring of religious zealotry and bigotry, they have apologised!

...

In the countries where they are strong or dominant, the political Islamists are the enemies of virtually everything socialists and liberals believe in. They have rooted out liberalism, secularism, and socialism, and persecuted and murdered those who could not be intimidated and cowed.

The craven surrender of the liberals and the liberal left therefore betrays not only themselves, and what people like them used to stand for. It betrays those fighting the bigots in their heartlands - the enemies and too often the victims of the religio-fascists in the Islamic world.

The issue is free speech, but it is not just that. It is not just a matter of finding and adhering to general and universal principles. The right to criticise and mock and denounce religion is not just one right among many similar rights. The freedom to criticise religion is, in history, the root out of which all other such freedoms have developed.

It was a long, slow development from the assertion by heretics and protestants - by Albigenses, Hussites, Wycliffites, Lutherans, Calvinists - of their right to disagree with the Catholic church and with each other, to our erstwhile right to freely express atheistic contempt and condemnation of religion — all religion.

It was not a matter of reaching an amicable agreement with the religious in the time of their strength and predominance. It was a matter of drawing a line between them and us and standing on it, of fighting them tenaciously to win the right to dissent and mock and criticise their entrenched bigotry.

BOLDED is from Protein Wisdom, whence I found the essay. Read the whole thing.

So weird. For what, 80 years, socialists have said the West sucks, and so many in the West BELIEVED them that now the West doesn't love itself enough to defend its central characteristics. Geeze... Is the enemy of my enemy my friend? Is the lesser enemy my ally? Is... 'scuse me while my fuggin' head explodes.

The way to argue with crazy lefties...

2006-03-03T15:21:00.000-10:00

is to take their side but use plainer language that shows how crazy their positions are. Or you can basically use their exact words but put them in a slightly different context. This causes cognitive dissonance, and it is fun to watch the squirming...

I used the second way in the comments section of this post about a liberal student who posed as a conservative at a recent panel, run by conservatives, that discusses the Mohammed cartoons. Read the whole thing, but here are a couple of excerpts:

The display of those cartoons served no purpose other than to inflame emotions...

My answer was that yes, I do regret going, but as I think more about it I have to say "yes and no". I regret going, in the same way I would regret watching an execution or looking on as somebody beat their child.

Later, in the comments section, the Chemist writes:

Oh, and one more thing: I've posted the pictures of the cartoons (they're small, but they're there), and Agi has posted the cartoons

So I wrote:

I just have to laugh at the hypocrisy here. The fact that you posted the pictures of Mohammed shows you are a racist pig just like the Jews and Christians on that panel, Chemist.

The display of those cartoons served NO PURPOSE other than to inflame emotions.

And please, DON'T PRETEND that you displayed them for any other reason. Free speech does NOT include the right to deprive people of real rights, such as human dignity.

You pretend you are progressive but you are a repressor just like the Jews and Christians on that panel. You want to take away basic human rights from Muslims.

I feel dirty just for READING this blog. I'm kind of glad I did, but in another way I wish I hadn't.

I wonder if he'll reply...

Last week I replied to this post by an iraqi tear with this:

As an American, I want to apologize that the USA was unable to stop Sunni Muslims from blowing up a Shiite Mosque.

We also failed to stop Iraq and Iran from fighting during Ramadan from 1980-1988.

We also failed to stop Juhayman, a Saudi, and his followers from holding the al-masjid al-Haraam Mosque hostage in 1979.

The US has failed, again and again and again, to stop Muslims from slaughtering Muslims, to stop Muslims from desecrating Muslim holy sites, and to stop Muslims from depriving other Muslims of basic human rights such as free speech and freedom of religion.

Again, as an American I want to apologize for every time the United States has failed to stop a Muslim from doing something evil to another Muslim.

No reply...

UPDATE:
Chemist hasn't responded to my comment but someone else did, lol.

Jenny said...

Get another perspective if you think you can take a right wing blog. It has a good description of what HE (SHE?) saw and heard.

http://www.rayra.net/Political_Coverage/UCI_Cartoons_Panel/uci_cartoons_panel.html

Harkonnendog - free speech was so important to our founding fathers that they put in the first admendment, not second, third or 15th.

"Free speech does NOT include the right to deprive people of real rights, such as human dignity. " Uh, yes it does

5:29 PM

Jenny said...

And Harkonnendog, I think you have it backwards when you say, "You want to take away basic human rights from Muslims." I think we are trying to keep Muslims from taking them away from us. Do you live in the US? If you don't like it here then go somewhere else that would be more compatible with your belief structure. Don't try to change ours.

5:33 PM

Anonymous said...

Harkonnendog, I hope you're saving up for the jizya.

5:34 PM

Hehehe. I really didn't intend to catch this type of fly in my web... whoops. Kind of fun, though. I upped the ante with this:

Harkonnendog said...

The fact of the matter is Chemist is NO DIFFERENT THAN THESE ANTI-ISLAM RACISTS. Chemist printed the pictures too! Chemist says that the Muslims at the meeting were called racist names, but there is NOTHING MORE RACIST against Muslims than printing pictures of Mohammed, (PBUH-GEGO) which Chemist DID.

So you all are just flip sides of the same coin. Racist Americans who hate Islam from the left, and Raicst Americans who hate Islam from the right. You are like the Jew snipers arguing about whether to shoot a Palestinian child in the heart or in the head.

6:51 PM

So we'll see if that calls Chemist out or not. :) Did y'all like the PBUH-GEGO? Guess what it stands for in the comments. :)

(who'm i kidding, nobody reads this... sob...)

Sold another...

2006-03-02T16:36:00.000-10:00

$277.00... Good day for selling copies of CLOWN. Realistically, I think I need to order like a thousand copies and then sell them one by one... If I order a thousand they cost... 4.77 a pop... plus shipping... lets just call it $5000... I'd make $15,000 if I sold them all, which I think I could, probably in two or three years, just from work, if today is any indicator... 10k profit... hmm...

I wonder if I can get CLOWN bulk printed for less elsewhere, though... Anyway something to think about.

Sold another CLOWN. = $262.00

2006-03-02T15:13:00.000-10:00

yay!!!!

wHAT' MY total now???

in the update:

okay 212+25+15= 262...

Still making corrections to 2nd edition. I will blog it when I upload this new edition. :)

Got first CLOWN royalty check...

2006-03-02T14:12:00.000-10:00

You best believe I'm framing that mofo... I'll take a pic and post it, too. It ain't much, but it's figuratively quite a bit...

Also, sold two more copies, that's another $25-... YIPEE...

by the way, if you haven't bought it yet, you can buy it here.

Gotta read Steyn on the Oscars....

2006-03-02T12:10:00.000-10:00

Click here. Fantastic!

Wonderful post of the day is a debate text

2006-03-02T11:09:00.000-10:00

about whether or not Islam can be reformed. I think it can be. My views are below, but read this link first. This is a great debate. A great use of the net as well.

I think it is simply impossible for a religion to survive as long as Islam has survived if its adherents can't adapt to changing times. So, for me, the fact that Islam still exists PROVES it can be "reformed."

Besides, humans are human. Nobody can live up to the dictates of ANY of the Abrahamic religions, so IGNORING the holy documents of the religion when convenient while STILL BELIEVING is an absolute necessity.

Don't kid yourself.

Pitbulls and Chihuauhas...

2006-03-01T12:21:00.000-10:00

Pitbulls get a rep as killers, but actually they are one of the most loving and human submissive dog breeds out there.

Pits were bred to fight bulls, originally, by grabbing a bull by the mouth and holding onto it as the bull mashed the dog into the ground and gored it and stomped on it. They developed that loose thick hide and incredible biting ability and the unusual tendency to bite and HOLD from that. Then they were mixed with terriers, who kill by biting and holding and shaking, which furthered the tendency. (other dog breeds bite and tear, then bite again, again, and again)

Then they were bred to fight other dogs, which ended up meaning to fight other pitbulls because pretty soon no other breed could compete with them.

This resulted in two things. One, the tendency for pitbull to be ridiculously determined.

(A fighting dog's worth was determined largely by his gameness. A great fighting dog (yes, I think people who fight dogs are fuggin' scum, just for the record) will fight until it is dead. This is what distinguishes a pitbull from other fighting breeds, such as Canary island dogs. Canary island dogs are HUGE compared to pits, and I've read that when a pit fights one of them the Canary island dog basically beats the crap out of the pit until they are so tired they can't do it anymore. The pit, who has suffered 100x worse damage and is 100x weaker, keeps fighting. Eventually the pit wins. The Canary island can't quite KILL the pit, and doesn't necessarily WANT to, it just wants to win. A game pit can't BE beat though, it can only be killed. Pits are pretty much the only dogs that do this, though not all pits do.)

Two, a pit is NOT human aggresive, generally. There are two reasons for this, one may be untrue, I'll refer to it as the myth, and one is just common sense.

The myth, (it might be true or not, I don't know) is that pit fights were basically tests of heart run by gentlemen until the late '70's. When a dog was dominating another and the other flinched or turned from a fight human handlers would literally pull them apart. Now, doing this with a pit is obviously dangerous if the dogs are human aggressive, so the rule was that if a pit bit a human it was put down immediately or, at the least, never bred. This may seem harsh, but if you know people who treat dogs as tools rather than pets, you know how quickly they'll put a dog down.

The common sense reason pits aren't human aggresive has to do with how dangerous they are when they ARE aggresive. Little dogs are assholes. I don't know if you've noticed this. Generally, they are freakly little punk dogs that cause shit and nip and bite and are dominant over their humans. And why not? They can rarely really hurt anyone, so why not breed asshole little dogs?

Big dogs aren't like that. Human aggressive big dogs kill people, so they aren't bred by responsible people. Since the late 70's dickless scumbag white trash and other ghetto thug types have bred human aggresive large dogs PURPOSELY, since this makes up for their small weewees in their small minds, but up until then this was very rare. You never hear about Great Danes or St. Bernard's killing people because the smalldicks never decided to breed human aggresiveness into these breeds.

So pitts are incredibly dangerous POTENTIALLY, but are bred to be dog aggressive and NEVER to be human aggresive. In fact, they are WONDERFUL dogs as pets. Unfortunately, while 10,000 chihuauahas might produce 1000 attacks, none of them will be fatal, and most of them will require a band-aid. 10,000 pits might produce 10 attacks, but 1 will be fatal, and 9 will require stitches.

The solution. A half pit half chihuauaha (yeah, I don't know how to spell chisgagidhaaua, I admit it, and I don't care) won't kill anybody, but will be just as calm and cool and non-human-aggresive as a pit, and will only be a litte bigger than a chadkfadilfjdalfdjasd.

And I know 'cause I've got one. And she is one cool little dog.

Thank you.

Walmart is teh Awesome.

2006-02-28T10:33:00.000-10:00

Grandma is 87, rich, loves to buy stuff for her yard, and drives a Camaro SS (no kidding). Nothing large fits in her car. She talks the salespeople into holding the stuff until I can pick it up and drive it over. I live about 45 minutes away from her, so no big deal, but sometimes I can't do it for a few days.

Two weeks ago she bought what she told me was "potting soil" from Home Depot. They were total pricks when I got there the next day. They made the entire deal as painful as possible, DESPITE the fact that they have a protocol for purchases that will be picked up at a later time, which Grandma followed. (PLUS I got to smell chicken fertiziler for 45 minutes. Grandma has a healthy sense of humor.)

She bought a patio set over the weekend at Walmart. She was supposed to give me the receipt, but couldn't. I was supposed to pick the set up over the weekend but didn't. This morning I went there before work and asked the first teller I saw if she could help. The teller's speech is italicized:

"Do you have the receipt?"
"She didn't give me one."
"Um... is it on lay a way?"
"No. She already paid for it. She said they put it in the back."
"What was it?"
"A patio set."
"Do you know which one?"
"No."
"When did she buy it?"
"I'm not sure. She told me about it on Saturday. Sometime before then."

Just to be clear here- YES, I'm playing a douchebag. I know NOTHING except Grandma bought a patio set for me to pick up.

"Can you call her and find out?"
"Yeah, but I don't have a cell phone."
"You can use our phone."

So she calls Grandma, (to do this she has to call the office, which then calls Grandma, and then transfers the call back to the garden department) and PATIENTLY explains that she needs Grandma to find the receipt, give her the transaction number and other info, and waits until Grandma gives her all the information. Grandma does so.

"Okay, we just need to find it."

So she and I and another lady go looking for it. After about ten minutes we find it. It is WAY too big for my car... Oh crap.

"Oh man, that box will never fit in my car."

The other lady chimes in:

"Maybe if we unbox it it will fit?"
"I don't know."

(Yeah, I'm still being a douche. I don't think I AM a douche, generally. I hadn't had my coffee... I, um, I don't know, maybe I was already writing this blog entry in my head and my brain couldn't do that and be non-douche-ish at the same time...)

"The set is over here, the display model- let me show you. If we can put the chairs in the table comes unassembled, so if the chairs can fit it will fit."
"Oh yeah, that will fit."

So she walks the box out to my car on one of those big flat roller doohickies. It is raining and cold. She breaks out the boxcutters to open one side while I open the other and helps me load my car. Then she takes the box to throw it away for me!

Ten or fifteen different times the people at Walmart could have opted to not help at all, or to be less helpful. Instead, they went well out of their way to be as helpful as possible at every junction. Walmart is teh Awesome.

I'm in love with this woman, but I wouldn't do her.

2006-02-27T16:28:00.000-10:00

That's a first.

Here is her video.

I give this video a 10!!!

2006-02-27T11:52:00.000-10:00

OFfice Linebacker...

jest awesomeness

I don't even know what to say about this...

2006-02-27T11:42:00.000-10:00

NSFW... not safe for your sanity...

Click here to watch Juggernaut Bitch

Great post of the day about the left's definition of the Enlightenment

2006-02-23T14:57:00.000-10:00

is here.

LOL! The nut bra...

2006-02-22T17:01:00.000-10:00

click here...

Not safe for work... but really not that bad...

The money quote:

"My nuts were so old and saggy they used to look like Clint Eastwood."

Another day, another quiz. I'm an existentialist, apparently

2006-02-22T16:47:00.000-10:00

I don't know what it means. I guess I'll look it up.

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

�Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.�

�It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.�

--Jean-Paul Sartre

�It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.�

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism

80%

Hedonism

55%

Strong Egoism

50%

Utilitarianism

45%

Apathy

40%

Nihilism

25%

Divine Command

20%

Justice (Fairness)

20%

Kantianism

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

Post of the day on Suicidalism...

2006-02-22T15:07:00.000-10:00

Whilst searching for Madonna video parodies and street fights, I occasionally find insanely intelligent posts CLICK HERE FOR A FANTASTIC POST by people who are WAY smarter than me. And you. Yeah, you too. I refuse to be read by people who are WAY smarter than me . If you're one of them you're not reading this, so by definition you aren't.

Click here to read this post, which defines and explains postmodern thought, and is even better.

The good thing about being mediocre, brain-wattage wise, is that you're smart enough to figure out what really really smart people know, but you can't QUITE fool yourself into thinking you're one of them.

So I am able to recognize the value of the above essays WITHOUT thinking I understand them because I skimmed 'em really quickly and recognized that they wrote what I already knew but hadn't vocalized (even in that really quite voice which is so quiet it is only in my head).

So anyway here they are, as much for me as for you, since you probably don't exist, at least in a Platonic you as opposed to one of the many yous that aren't other facets of me.

Remembering George Washington.

2006-02-22T14:28:00.000-10:00

Read this. Absolutely wonderful. Beautiful.

Another ROFLMAO Madonna video

2006-02-22T10:05:00.000-10:00

I don't know why it works out that this particular song shold have these hilarious videos attaching to it this way, it just does...

Jacob on televisionwithoutpity.com, cowboys, and Kaya

2006-02-21T16:06:00.000-10:00

is awesome. You need to watch Battlestar Galactica and American Idol just so you can read his recaps. He sees things I completely miss, and I enjoy the shows much more through him than I do through my own filters, especially since I use my own filters first and then get to supplement mine with his.

Having said that, he doesn't do everything right, and sometimes he doesn't do enough. This is what he said about the American Idol cowboys:

Then there is a thing, a movie parody of sorts, about...aw, hell. Okay, Garet the Turkey Singer is kind of a cowboy, right? And there's this violently sexy dude Sars is in love with named Matthew Buckstein, and he's a cowboy. And there's Michael Evans, who is black, but has a cowboy hat. Right? And Garet, while there are more pressing concerns at issue, seems to be pretty gay, for a preschooler, but will probably never know that, because he lives in the kind of solitude that normally results in Chainsaw Massacres, chromosomal shenanigans, farm animal sex. So. Cowboys: some gay, all prone to crying. In the winter of 2006. About one hundred months previous, a movie came out (hopefully in a theatre near you -- it's a damn fine movie -- but if it didn't, it's not going to, and you should move anyway) that involved cowboys who were somewhat gay in that they fell in total gay love with each other. One of them was really controlling and ruined everybody's life around him for like forty years without even opening his mouth or talking above a palsied, brain-stroke-looking mumble, and the other one was Donnie Darko and was totally asking for it. So what does this have to do with American Idol? Good question. Garet and a turkey, and then Matt and Michael fell in love with his weird little Hobbit ass, and none of them have their act together at all. That's basically the joke. If you just heard of Brokeback Mountain last week, I guess it might be funny -- although it would still make little sense -- but you didn't, so it's not, so we're moving on.

It's 30 minutes later and the cowboys are practicing, and the Brittenums are back, they apologize, nobody cares, Simon thinks they're a fucking joke, which they are, and they for some reason get through. But do not fret! The cowboys come in and everybody cheers, because they love them and then they sing the "Doo-Wah Ditty" song, the only song stupider than "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch," and it is a shambles. Michael doesn't know the words and has a nice voice, but you can't really tell due to the singing over each other in an ugly fashion and the disconcertingly creepy way each of them is dancing and the fact that they all sing the song horribly. Garet's the worst, singing with his eyes closed like that little girl in Palindromes. Joe R: "Shoulda had a tracheotomy." Jacob: "And not sucked."

Simon stresses hatefully for the seeming ten minutes they sing, and Garet is so nervous, it's sickening. It's entirely a joke. Finally Simon stops them, and Paula laughs, and the crowd laughs hysterically and Matthew makes some kind of joke about how he was about to "do the hip thrusts" and maybe he'll just do those later, and Simon levels. "In a few months' time you will look back and wonder why you blew the opportunity of a lifetime by trying to be bad comedians." Michael begs to differ, like that's better, but Simon compares it to a "just ridiculous, ghastly party with drunken people trying to entertain an audience that isn't interested," which is apt. He's so angry with them! He dismisses them summarily and then Paula kisses her co-judges, narrowly missing Randy's soon-to-be-declared "luscious" lips.

Outside, Michael cries and talks totally crazy: "It makes me angry, what Simon said up there. I get it, it's only one Idol, dude. But it's America...I feel like we got that bond." I don't know what that means, but Matthew agrees, and then delivers a moving speech about how Garet is an inspiration, and they both get weepy about how much they love Garet, and then Garet tries to climb Matthew as they're all crying, apologizing for letting them down, and Matthew wraps himself around the kid and whispers quietly, "Listen, cowboy, you didn't let me down. You did the best you could." Garet is very, very small, and Matthew is very large, and both guys love Garet more than reason should allow. There then detonates a Hobbit-loving sex bomb that is completely above-board and sweet and kind and good, but also awesome to watch at home. Garet is shown leaving the hotel in a neckerchief, carrying a hat box, and yammers at the camera for awhile, and then they all walk off down the street together, probably still crying.

Which is all true, but isn't enough... Because the cowboy's sucked because Garet sucked. Rather than toss him, or wreck him, or even sort of subtely compartmentalize him in their act so that his suckness contrasted with their- whatever they are- the older cowboys went 3 Musketeers. Once they went that route it was obvious they would not make it, so yeah, they didn't try to avoid being comedic.

You need to keep in mind that they never consciously CHOSE to go that route- that decision wsa made long ago when they or the people who raised them created them to be awesome men. So when Michael cries it is not so much because he feels they were good, as that he realizes that his unconscious decision to be a good man resulted in his being ridiculed for NOT HAVING HEART- when in fact he is like Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry McGuire, and if he'd been conscious of all this he would have told the camera- "No heart? I'M ALL HEART, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Same goes for the white cowboy. Cowboy's rock.

Kara- Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica, was headed for a nervous breakdown which COULD have led to her becoming even more awesome than what she was... COULD have led to her becoming a higher being along the lines of Edward James Olmos or President Rosling- and then the fuggin' show SKIPS FORWARD A MONTH and all we see is that somehow she recovered from her tailspin as though it never happened in such a way that she hasn't evolved at all...

I CALL SHENANIGANS... Jacob did not. But- so far he has only written a recaplet. Maybe he'll go off about it in the big essay that follows...

Babies laughing their asses off

2006-02-21T15:14:00.000-10:00

this is fun and ridiculously cute. FOUR babies cracking up.

This is via the below, which you can and should visit, give him a try, by clicking here.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Madonna song with different vid

2006-02-21T14:13:00.000-10:00

fuggin' hilarious, lol.

Free Speech and Faith...

2006-02-21T12:37:00.000-10:00

I'm hearing a lot of ass talk regarding free speech. Ass as in but as in

We believe in free speech BUT:

You have to be sensitive to cultural issues;
You should not try to be divisive;
You should understand that some people feel strongly about things,
You should be some variation of being a cowardly bitch when it comes to pissing off Muslims.

And even people who disagree with this viewpoint argue with it as though this is the kind of thing that can be argued...
It isn't.

Free speech is not on the table. Free speech is an absolute. I will not argue about it, I will not discuss it, I will not wonder if it is good or bad or right or wrong or how much it should or could be limited and still be "free" or blah blah blah... If you argue about these things you've LOST THE ARGUMENT. Free speech is inviolate. If you serioulsy want to curb it you're a piece of shit. You AREN'T QUITE HUMAN ANYMORE, as far as I'm concerned. Your value as a human being hovers somewhere between a man like me and a dog.

Don't get me wrong, I love dogs.

Yes, McCain, because of McCain/Feingold, is a piece of shit.
Yes, Austria, for jailing a man for denying the holocaust, is fucked.

And I'm hearing a lot of talk about the limitations of free speech, that basically say:

You can't say fire in a crowded theater and:

Arab Muslims are animals that can't help but murder people when they make fun of Mohammed;
Arab Muslims are 3rd worlders and can't help but be hot tempered;

so saying something bad about Mohammed, like Mohammed was a slave trader who raped a child for instance, is equivalent to yelling "Fire!" in a theater. And so, you shouldn't say something like Mohammed was a slave trader who raped a child, for instance, because then you are not being some variation of being a cowardly bitch when it comes to pissing off Muslims.

(Forget about the bigotry of low expectations inherent in that... it isn't the point here.) And I'm reading that you shouldn't say this EVEN IF IT IS TO SHOW YOU BELIEVE IN FREE SPEECH, because, apparently, this pisses off Muslims, which is a good way to make them mad, and they don't like free speech, so by pissing them off you endanger free speech... WFT?!?!?

And I just wonder what the fuck happened, you know? I just thought it went without saying that free speech is THE deal-breaker... And I just thought that it went without saying that whenever somebody threatens free speech because somebody said something offensive to them EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO SAY IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER...

I really thought everybody fucking KNEW that.

NOT being Christian is a religion???!!!

2006-02-20T10:54:00.000-10:00

Ann Althouse links to an interesting theory in this post.

Excerpt:

An ant climbs a blade of grass, over and over, seemingly without purpose, seeking neither nourishment nor home. It persists in its futile climb, explains Daniel C. Dennett at the opening of his new book, "Breaking the Spell: Religion as a Natural Phenomenon" (Viking), because its brain has been taken over by a parasite, a lancet fluke, which, over the course of evolution, has found this to be a particularly efficient way to get into the stomach of a grazing sheep or cow where it can flourish and reproduce. The ant is controlled by the worm, which, equally unconscious of purpose, maneuvers the ant into place.

Mr. Dennett, anticipating the outrage his comparison will make, suggests that this how religion works. People will sacrifice their interests, their health, their reason, their family, all in service to an idea "that has lodged in their brains." That idea, he argues, is like a virus or a worm, and it inspires bizarre forms of behavior in order to propagate itself. Islam, he points out, means "submission," and submission is what religious believers practice. In Mr. Dennett's view, they do so despite all evidence, and in thrall to biological and social forces they barely comprehend.


Here is my comment:
Harkonnendog said...: "An ant climbs a blade of grass, over and over, seemingly without purpose, seeking neither nourishment nor home.
...
Mr. Dennett, anticipating the outrage his comparison will make, suggests that this how religion works."

This is pretty typical of those who judge Christians by looking down their noses... I'd like to see some statistics showing Christians have fewer children, make less money, and generally less happy, less healthy, etc., than non-Christians, before I could take this theory seriously.

I know quite a few Christians who use the religion to help them improve their lives through connections, stress relief, the ability to keep thing in perspective, etc. etc.

If, as I suspect, Christians are generally happier and have MORE children, does that mean those who choose NOT to be Christians are like that ant? :)

Wedding, er, I mean Hunting Crashers...

2006-02-17T09:42:00.000-10:00

Shocking new video of Cheney shooting!!!

Fight vid for Horny G

2006-02-17T09:40:00.000-10:00

Horny G said he'd like to see a fight where an aggressive jerk got KTFO...

Here you go my friend... An all time classic.

Crappy BJJ vs. Crappy Boxing Video...

2006-02-16T13:09:00.000-10:00

Tough kids, and nobody jumped in. Click here to watch. The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu guy just sort of wades through Boxer's punches and takes him down, over and over.

Once you get a guy down, if you're DECENT at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the competitive phase of the fight SHOULD be over. BJJ practitioners figure the ground is the ocean, they are sharks, and non-BJJ guys don't even know how to swim.

Ideally the BJJ guy would establish a strong base and the other guy, at best, would avoid getting knocked out or put to sleep for a while. He should NEVER have been able to get the fight standing again.

But the Boxer is tough and explosive enough to take advantage of the GAPING holes in the BJJ guy's game, and get up- over and over and over.

So really this is a fight between one kid who has a strategy, a game plan, and one guy who both literally and figuratively winging it. Still fun to watch.

Post of the day demonstrates the slippery slope.

2006-02-16T12:22:00.000-10:00

At a Muslim rally protesting the provocative nature of the Mohammed cartoons a Muslim female reporter is stoned for provoking the crowd by-

wait for it...

WAIT for it...

WAIT FOR IT!!!

Not wearing a headscarf and sitting in a provocative way... read the link... I'm not making it up.

I'm not sure who said "You may as well fight in the first ditch as the last ditch," but whoever said it was right.

Muslim Rave Party Sensation!!!

2006-02-16T11:18:00.000-10:00

This is hilarious! (and fairly innocuous, it is good fun not disrespectful, don't worry)

So FUNNY!!!

2006-02-15T15:39:00.000-10:00

You remember the Chronic- what!?! - cles of Narnia! from SNL right? If not, check it out. Hilarious.

But the fact that there's a West Coast response, Lazy Monday!, makes it even better.

And the fact that there's a Midwest response to both... Lazy Muncie!!! I love it!

Also, notice how the quality of the two amateur videos nearly = the SNL one...

Wow.

Cowboy's are AWESOME!!!

2006-02-15T14:29:00.000-10:00

Go to Televisionwithoupity.com and click on the American Idol 2/14/06 episode and scroll until you learn about the cowboys, then read this. (Or if you saw it don't bother.)

Cowboys are friggin' awesome. The two bigger cowboys didn't have a shot in hell because Garet Johnson just was NOT up to it... He couldn't sing, dance, or keep a beat.

Rather than berate him or ice him out they went the 3 Musketeers route. The result was Simon's chidings about turning their one big shot into a comedy performance.

It seems to me the older cowboys chose to make it into a comedy performance rather than hurt the child.

And afterwards, not only did they NOT lay the blame on Garet, they continued to encourage him. Even when Garet apologized they refused to acknowledge that he'd destroyed their dreams, and instead tried to make him feel better.

Turning that wonderful act of kindness, of love, into a Brokeback Mountain parody was petty. I guess it could not be helped, people would have gone there anyway, but that was a beautiful moment, and all I can say is cowboy's are friggin' awesome.

LOTs of CLOWN fixes

2006-02-14T11:40:00.000-10:00

So I'm working a ton of extra hours- boring as hell- so I decided to reread CLOWN and edit copy while I read it... Figured maybe I missed a couple of typos or whatever.

Chit! It is FULL OF MISTAKES!!! WTF??? So I'm editing CLOWN yet again. I'm going to make it a 2nd edition when I resubmit it to Lulu.com, so if you've got the old mistake-full version and I became a massively successful author blahdeblah you'll have scored one of the few 1st version copies. :p

What sci fi crew do you belong on?

2006-02-14T09:39:00.000-10:00

I'm pretty disappointed. I wanted to be on the Serenity... Hot courtesans, bunch of different worlds to visit, alcohol, gun fights... FUN! Instead I'm stuck in a fuggin' sardine can in the middle of the planet, can't even get to the surface!!! and nobody on that ship bathes... did you notice? fug...

You scored as Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix). You can change the world around you. You have a strong will and a high technical aptitude. Is it possible you are the one? Now if only Agent Smith would quit beating up your friends.

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

88%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

81%

SG-1 (Stargate)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

63%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

63%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

63%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

63%

Moya (Farscape)

63%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

56%

Serenity (Firefly)

50%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

50%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

44%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Ann Coulter jumped my shark

2006-02-13T15:19:00.000-10:00

No, that's not a sexual reference, nor even a sexual fantasy. She's gone too far, even for me. She's Joe Pesci in Goodfella's, our Ann. You put up with a lot of stuff because, hey, she was an earner. And when you needed a dog to let slip, she was the baddest pit-bull on the block.

But her "raghead" schtick really pushed it too far... And THEN, THEN, SHE APPARENTLY PUT DOWN A MUSLIM WHO IS ON OUR SIDE!!! From the Instapundit:

I didn't attend the event (I didn't actually attend any events except the book stuff in the Exhibition hall; I was supposed to be on a panel about online media but had to cancel) but as I understand it, Coulter made the raghead remark, and then a Muslim attendee -- perhaps the guy from "Muslims For America" that Helen interviewed for our podcast -- got up to object to the "raghead" remark, and she put him down.

This is wrong on more levels than I care to discuss. If I was a mafiosi in Good Fella's I'd tell her she was going to get made, then stick a gun into the back of her head and pull the trigger. First I'd tell her to get her shinebox...

To be clear, when I say on our side, I mean on the side of those who think civil liberties come first...

I wouldn't do Ann... (of course I wouldn't, I'm happily married to a woman much hotter than Ann, but I mean even if I WEREN'T)

Sold 12 more copies of CLOWN!

2006-02-10T15:24:00.000-10:00

Yay! These were sold over here at Lulu.com so I don't make as much off each as when I sell them to people for $15 a pop. Still, that's another $48.00...

That brings the grand total up to- .

wait for it-

$212.00

Great street brawl.

2006-02-10T10:53:00.000-10:00

There's some retarded stand up, a crappy clinch, some ridiculously sloppy groundwork, and then a rear naked THAT PUTS THE DUDE ASLEEP.

Then the dude's dad, from what I can tell, goes after the other guy with a BASEBALL BAT!!

Then the other guys goes to his car and GETS A GUN!!!

Holy crap lol! But the best parts are the dialogue.
Dialogue 1:
Other Guy (to dude)
"Just tap out."
(He's saying this because he has a ridiculously sloppy rear naked applied and thinks the guy will nap if he doesn't tap out, that is submit.)

Dude:
"What?"

Other Guy:
"Just tap out."

Dude:
"What?"

Dude apparently doesn't sense he's in danger, and at this point he's not, or doesn't know what "tap out" means. The hilarious part is they both pause to have this conversation in the middle of the fight roflmao!!!

Then, when the bat and the gun come out, whoever is doing the filming starts screaming NOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!! like Darth Vader after the dentist droids (that's the sound they used) put his mask on.

Anyway, click here to watch. So funny!!!

UPDATE:
Btw, I salute both these guys for raw toughness, and the spectators for letting it go down. The dad's an asshat, though.

Post of the day is Althouse...

2006-02-09T15:28:00.000-10:00

Here.

Basically she says she's a moderate but lefties hate her while the right likes her. I commented the following:

Ann you must realize this defines you as a conservative:

"More than any ideology, I care about rational discourse."

On every political test I take I rank as a liberal, but I'm a conservative, too, because I feel the same way. This is why the left keeps losing elections. People who are otherwise liberal, but value rational discourse, are not voting for conservatives, but against the Kossites and their like.

It is counter intuitive but they are voting with their emotions, and they are voting based on character rather than issues, because they value rational discourse.

Lol.

Mohammed cartoons and the NYTimes

2006-02-08T12:00:00.000-10:00

The NYTimes chose to show a disgusting painting of the Virgin Mary in a piece about religious images provoking violence. It's an odd choice, since that painting didn't result in violence.

The NYTimes chose NOT to show several cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed in articles about cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed provoking violence. That was an odd choice for self evident reasons. So why didn't they publish them? Here's what they said:

The New York Times and much of the rest of the nation's news media have reported on the cartoons but refrained from showing them. That seems a reasonable choice for news organizations that usually refrain from gratuitous assaults on religious symbols, especially since the cartoons are so easy to describe in words.

First of all, the cartoons were not gratuitious. They were a way to express the fact that Danes were self censoring out of fear. They were a way of publicizing the fact that Theo van Gogh's murder was WORKING. Leaving that aside, the NYTimes position still makes no sense.

There are 12 cartoons depicting Mohammed, and all of them need to be individually described. The picture of The Virgin Mary, however, is but a single picture, and is very easily described as "A picture of The Virgin Mary made out of shit," since that is what it is (and that's really all anyone needs to know about it.) The Virgin Mary picture is therefore more easily described, and it is at least as insulting as most of the cartoons of Mohammed, and much LESS insulting than many of them.

In short, the NYTimes doesn't mind gratuitious assaults on religious symbols, they are just scared that crazy Muslims will kill them so they are self censoring. They aren't scared of crazy Christians so they aren't self censoring.

The NYTimes has chosen to go C-3PO rather than Good Will Hunting.

Artoo immediately reaches up and taps the computer with his stubby claw hand, causing one of the holographic creatures to walk to the new square. A sudden frown crosses Chewbacca's face and he begins yelling gibberish at the tiny robot. C-3Po intercedes on behalf of his small companion and begins to argue with the huge Wookiee.

C-3Po: He made a fair move. Screaming about it won't help you.
HAN: (interrupting) Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.
C-3Po: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
HAN: That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their socket
when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.
C-3Po: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, Artoo. Let
the Wookiee win.

Contrast that to Will Hunting:

Will: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I had to provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: Why?
Will: Cause fuck him, that' why.

I already thought the NYTimes sucked, but if you thought different, there you go. What a bunch of hyprocritical cowardly DICKS!

Sold another copy of CLOWN but there's a problem

2006-02-03T10:56:00.000-10:00

I've now sold more books than I have to sell, so I need to order more books. I've been stealing the copies my mom bought to give out as presents on holidays and such and selling them to people for $15- a pop and NOT paying my mom back, lol... (I'm 34, it sounds like I'm 16 or something) but I've run out of those books, (10) plus I've run out of the books I bought to check for editing mistakes, (2) plus I double-sold 2 books, (with one book the person who bought it read it and then left it on Kauai when they went back home, with the other the person's mom paid me for it but forgot to give it to her daughter). I still have the second of the double-solds, which I guess means it is really a single-sold, but you get the idea.

So anyway, total profit is now $164.00... Almost pays for half of my wife's Valentine's Day present.

Coco says to support free speech!!!

2006-02-01T13:28:00.000-10:00

Do what Coco says!!! Coco, by the way, is a featured star over at Classical Values. Great site.

edit: Classical Values now has a better version of the above up. :)

Fatwah me... PLEASE!

2006-01-31T11:50:00.000-10:00

I'm linking to Michelle Malkin's post, here, and the Mohammed Image Archive post, here. It would be brave except I won't get into any troubles with Muslims for this because nobody reads this site. So I guess I have answered that age old question:

Does a Fatwah apply if a Christian links to Mohammed cartoons and nobody reads it?

Nope.

JACOB and the DMT

2006-01-30T13:47:00.000-10:00

huh... thinking I'll have the Jordanian ask Jacob if he's ever had a mystical experience. Jacob will answer affirmatively and talk about my waterfall experience, and the Jordanian will then tell him that while THAT was true because it wasn't drug induced DMT will feel just as true though it is false.

The narrator, who is after all omnisicient, will then tell the readers the Jordanian is saying that just 'cause he wants to use Jacob's Christianity as a lever. He doesn't believe, and in fact thinks humans are computers etc.
remember?

CLOWN revisions...

2006-01-30T13:45:00.000-10:00

1st, put the epilogue back in, then add the idea that maybe he'll end up being a muse. And isn't it funny, since he could never be a great poet, or even a famous poet, if whatever jerkoff he's the muse of gets famous off of his story? Wouldn't that be something?

2nd, think about doing some editing. CLOWN ain't perfect, and culling the weakest parts might make it MUCH better than it is.

American Digest Curmudgeons

2006-01-26T10:22:00.000-10:00

Here is the post. Basically it says my generation is a bunch of pussies. It wouldn't allow my comments, below, because of "questionable content." (Wtf?) So I'm posting them here.

You're correct about Stein, but wrong to generalize from him about the generation he's from.

"A generation finely tuned to irony and nothingness and tone deaf to duty and soul."

Lol. You are awfully hard on the generation fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan right now- made up ENTIRELY of volunteers- and by all accounts fighting bravely and well. Yeah yeah, you used qualifiers, but you still chose the word "generation."

"No, it is only to say that this new voice that we hear throughout the land from so many of the young betokens a weaker and less certain brand of citizen than we have been used to in our history."
When you hear this voice from people younger than Stein, college-age and lower, it is a symptom of humility and recognition that with age comes wisdom- and it is partly a response to, and a rejection of, the boomer generation. The one that was so sure it was right about everything, and was
dead wrong about so much.

Respect for elders is a virtue, not a sign of weakness. Neither is bluster certainty.